Peter Pearson


Less Stress & More Fun

Holidays can sometimes be stressful for couples—especially Valentine’s Day. One partner may be imagining something very specific to celebrate the day. The other partner may not have a clue of what that thing is. The result can be disappointment and confusion. Rather than hurt feelings and a Valentine’s Day gone sideways, take steps to create a relaxed and fun celebration with your beloved.

What Would Your Partner Like?

Take the stress out of Valentine’s Day by having a conversation about it. You can ask your sweetheart, “What do you think you might enjoy for Valentine’s Day?” Find out if they are hoping for a special gift. It might be a night on the town. Or a romantic couple’s night at home—and the children out with the Grandparents. Sometimes people think it kills the mood to talk about such things ahead of time. This doesn’t have to be the case at all. Keep it fun and light. The conversation can be an enjoyable preamble to the event itself.

What You Would Like?

On the other hand, if you are the one hoping your Valentine does something special for you, I heartily recommend letting them know. You can say, “Honey, would you happen to like to know what I would just love for Valentine’s Day?” If your partner says, “No”, then you have bigger problems than a stressful Valentine’s Day. (Did I mention that I am a couples therapist?!) Your partner will probably be relieved to find out what you would like. You can say whether you would love roses, chocolate, or the garden composted—whatever that thing is that you are wishing for. These conversations will increase the odds of having a great Valentine’s Day without thinking, why did he bring me chocolates, when all I wanted was for him to compost the garden! And him thinking, did she glare at me when I gave her that beautifully wrapped heart-shaped box?

Align Expectations & Reality

Problems often occur in relationships when expectations and reality are not matching up. So take the time to whisper your wishes in his ear or have some fun finding out what she would like. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment by leaving it to mindreading. You can create that special Valentine’s Day you are hoping for when you both share your hearts’ desires.


Meg Luce, MFT, is a psychotherapist who provides relationship counseling services for individuals, couples and parents. Her approach is caring, compassionate and nonjudgmental. She collaborates with clients in a safe environment to promote the changes that they wish to make and believes that all people have the ability to grow, change and resolve relationship conflicts. To learn more about Meg please visit her blog at

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Please Comment ↴

    • Hi Nancy, I hope you enjoy remembering some of the sweeter moments of the past 50 years this Valentine’s Day! Thank you for sharing.

  1. Meg- Thank you for sharing your thoughtful and timely advice on talking to our partners about what would make Valentine’s Day special for us. I’m going to share this article with my friends and clients!