I just recently returned from the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium that took place March 22-24, in Washington, DC! As you may know, I like to share tidbits after I attend and present at conferences.

I had not been to the Networker in many years, and most of this year’s conference experience was delightful. It was exciting to attend quality workshops, to present to eager therapists, and to talk to exhibitors about their take on the state of our profession.

Zach Taylor kicked off the conference with a heartfelt reminder that we can all feel pride in our chosen profession.

Some standout takeaways

1. Susan Cain and David Kessler’s dialogue about Susan’s new book, Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole

Susan asked, “Do you ever find joy on a rainy day?” She emphasized how our culture has been blind to the value of melancholic states. She described the need to talk with clients about beauty, longing and despair. She finds it scary not to be able to look at the dark side of life and she stressed that the experience of joy comes with maintaining an awareness of the impermanence of life.

I’d like to know… do you ever find joy on a rainy day? If so, please share an experience you value in the comment section below.

2. Couples and Their Careers: When Love and Work Collide

Alexandra Solomon did an extensive job highlighting the role of work in undermining a couples’ connection. It’s a topic that is often neglected in the clinical literature. Yet, what couples’ therapist hasn’t heard complaints like these from couples?“You work too many hours.”

“You should earn more.”

“Go get a job.”

When one partner does well financially at work, it gives extra resources to the couple. And when one partner gets fired, is underpaid or suffers from burnout, it will inevitably be demoralizing for the couple.

Alexandra ended her talk describing common pairings like:
The Slasher (risk taker) and the Traditionalist

The Coaster (who can live in the now) and the Climber (who is always striving)

Her talk was a wake-up call to me to pay more careful attention to how couples manage their workload. Because I appreciate what she inspired me to contemplate, I plan to invite her to do a Bonus Call for our training community. Bonus Calls are the part of our training where I invite various professionals to share their expertise so we can see how different approaches and ideas blend with the Developmental Model.

3. Polyvagal Theory

Spending time with Deb Dana was another conference highlight for me. She’s another colleague I will invite to present a Bonus Call!

My favorite part of her workshop was her focus on the Power of Micro-Moments. She emphasized savoring past, present, and future positive moments to help clients return to a ventral state more quickly. Even savoring for 15-20 seconds can make a difference.

The second type of micro-moments are glimmers. Glimmers are tiny moments of ventral energy. While they do not stop trauma triggers, they do enable broadening perception. She suggested we ask clients and ourselves to write a glimmer intention such as, “I am ready to see/hear glimmers when they show up.”

I would enjoy reading about your own glimmer intentions in the comments below.

4. Last Chance Couples Therapy

The last workshop I attended was about ambivalent couples with Peter Fraenkel. I’ve known about Peter for years, but never had the opportunity to see him present. He dissected how to start with couples where one wants to leave and the other wants to save the marriage.

He discussed multiple ways to privilege the voice of the ambivalent partner. Here are a few…

Ask the couple if they can come to therapy and hold open the possibility of multiple outcomes.

• Are they able to do some positive homework or is their fear of things improving too big to allow for new behavior?
• Can they try and still leave?
• Can they reframe this crisis as a learning opportunity?

My favorite part of Peter’s workshop was his emphasis on using our techniques as a bridge to values.

You may have heard my husband, Pete Pearson and I often discuss asking partners, “How do you want to be in this discussion?” or “What kind of relationship do you care about creating?” Peter Fraenkel emphasized asking partners, “What is the constellation of values you would like to guide you?” 

When partners stay conscious of the values guiding them, they are more likely to do homework and practice new behaviors.

5. A Personal Highlight from Us

I planned a big surprise for Pete! On Saturday night, he thought the two of us were going to dinner at a nearby restaurant. But when we arrived at our table, our daughters Molly and Tami, from California and Nevada, were there waiting for us.

Pete was speechless for several minutes – and if you know Pete that never happens!

Then the 4 of us spent a few days visiting Civil War sites (American history being one of Pete’s many passions) while staying in a house built in 1789.

We were also graced with the magnificence of the cherry blossoms being in bloom. We stopped along the way to smell the flowers!

It was a wonderful ending to a meaningful conference.

I hope you will find some gems here to support your work. Next month I’ll give you some takeaways from the two workshops I led at Networker.

I always look forward to reading your comments. And this conference article has a couple of interesting prompts, so I hope you’ll share a personal tidbit.