Peter Pearson

Thanks for your interest in my recent interview on NPR.

I hope you get some valuable insights for your relationship regarding:

  • The stages of a relationship or marriage
  • Lies we tell our partners
  • Triggers we have that cause challenges in our relationships

You won't want to miss my impromptu session with a stranger where I walked a listener through a long time trigger that he had interacting with his partner. In less than ten minutes, he was able to begin feeling differently and break a pattern he has had for years (Listener Question 2 at about 36 minutes in).

Podcast Highlights:

01:05 – Honeymoon Stage and Innocent Lies in the Beginning
05:40 – Avoiding the Truth
10:00 – Start to Work as a TEAM
10:45 – Partners on a Pedestal at the Beginning
11:30 – Tell Me No Lies
11:45 – Second Stage – Power Struggles
15:50 – Marriage is the only Non-Hierarchical Relationship there is.
17:15 – F Words in the Marriage (they aren't what you think).
18:54 – When one person is disillusioned before the other.
21:55 – Couples have already created a roadmap for their marriage!
22:40 – The best thing you can do after your first fight after marriage.
26:40 – The acronym for couples as a T-E-A-M!
36:06 – Listener Question 2: Trigger for Partner in a 19 Year Marriage. (Don't Miss This)
38:55 – Learn how you can benefit from information/feedback from your past.
39:30 – Secret is to Learn Two Skills and…
41:26 – An Exercise to reduce your Trigger emotions with your partner.
51:28 – How to be open, transparent, and start the conversation.
52:35 – How to negotiate.

Act Now

  1. Go here to read more about super negotiation I mentioned in the podcast.
  2. You might also be interested in our book Tell Me No Lies and Initiating Calm Discussions.

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3 years ago

This was amazing

2 years ago

Thank you so very much.

The simple quick easy ONE minute to
Clam and Curious state exercise
( starting timestamp 47:50 I think approx )
,really helpful to for me

The steps in the exercise is
-Access mentally emotionally an old stressful trigger
– while breathing slowly and deeply
– while blinking my eyes slowly
– simply verbally speaking out
It’s ok now that the dangers passed

totally allowed me to
unglue and unfreeze and process that experience
And thus be able to let go and move forward.

Though shall propably have to do it for more than.a minute
for this particular one

Thank you for the explainations , that helped too

Thank You
Thank You

To.all.of you who made this possible and brought this about

2 years ago

Kindly pardon and overlook the typing, layout, syntax, spelling and grammatical errors.
Am physically quite challenged and in a lot of pain at the moment

2 years ago

You are quite welcome. I’m glad it was useful.

A Glossary of Terms that are sometimes Confusing

Couples Therapy is a counseling procedure that seeks to improve the adjustment of two people who have created an interdependent relationship. There are no standard procedures to help two people improve their adjustments to each other. Generally, a more experienced therapist will offer more perspectives and tools to a couple. Length of treatment will depend on severity of problems, motivation and skills of the therapist. A couple can be dating, living together, married or separating and may be gay, lesbian or heterosexual.

Marriage Therapy is a term often used interchangeably with marriage counseling. The term marriage implies two people have created a union sanctioned by a government or religious institution. The methods used in marriage counseling, marriage therapy and couples therapy are interchangeable and depend more on the specific challenges of each unique couple.

Psychotherapy is one or more processes to help improve psychological and emotional functioning. Examples are psychoanalysis, cognitive therapy, behavior therapy, Gestalt therapy, Transactional Analysis, Rational-Emotive therapy, or group therapy. Many forms of psychotherapy are blends of different approaches. For example, newer forms of psychotherapy called energy psychology draw upon recent advances in brain and neuroscience. These approaches often build on cognitive behavioral methods.

Clinical Psychologist. After graduating from college, it usually takes about five years of graduate school to get a Ph.D. in Psycholgy. It then requires an additional two years of supervision and passing a written (and often) an oral exam. There are a few states that allow psychologists to prescribe medications (with additional training) but that is uncommon.

Psychiatrist. After graduation from medical school, there is a generally a 4-year psychiatric residency. After the completion of this training, psychiatrists must pass an exam issued by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology to obtain certification and legally practice in the field. Psychiatrists can prescribe medications.

Clinical Social Worker. This profession usually requires two years of study after obtaining an undergraduate degree. While specific licensure requirements vary by state, most require clinical social workers to obtain 3,000 hours or 2 years of supervised clinical experience, after obtaining a Masters degree. Social workers can also specialize in diverse fields such as human services management, social welfare analysis, community organizing, social and community development, and social and political research.

Marriage and Family Therapist. Obtaining this license requires a Masters degree which takes approximately two years of post graduate study. The license also requires 3000 hours of supervised work and passing written exams.

The Couples Institute. We have assembled a group of top notch therapists at The Couples Institute. Whatever marriage help or marriage advice you are looking for, we are here to serve you. While most other therapists see only a few couples a week, we specialize in marriage and couples relationships, working to develop and bring you the most current and effective approaches to couples therapy. For more information about couples therapy or marriage counseling, see our couples therapy section.