Ellyn:  Hi Barbara. Thank you for speaking with me today. I have a feeling there are lots of people who feel as resistant as you did about an online training program. I think it would be really helpful for them if I could ask you a few questions about your experience.

First can you say a little bit about why you thought it wouldn’t work for you?

Barbara:  I’m part of a generation before the computer, so online learning is not in my comfort zone. I thought I’d feel detached from the teacher. And without being there in person, I just didn’t think it would be effective for me.

Ellyn:  I certainly understand that because I’m of that same generation. When I first started doing this, I even wondered if it could work. It’s not a format that I was used to teaching in either, so I had to learn how to teach in this format.

Barbara:  I love to interact, and it seemed like the questions and learning would be much more interactive if I was there in person. I thought I’d have to come to Menlo Park to get more training.

I was pretty skeptical at first about getting as much as I wanted from the class. But you encouraged me to try it. You said, “Just try it. No pressure.” And I did. I never thought it would work as well as it has.

Ellyn:  You signed up and you got started. And then how did you get into making it work for you?

Barbara:  Originally I had no idea that your teaching, updating, videos and insights would be so continual. I commented to you online saying,  “There’s so much – all the lessons and the phone teaching and the bonus calls.”

You explained it’s not meant to be done all at once. You said, “Do it in your own time. Read the lessons when you can and pick up the phone calls later. Just make it work within your schedule.”

Ellyn:  Did anything surprise you?

Barbara:  I don’t know what other people expect, but I really had no idea what I was getting into except that I was going to learn this new theoretical approach. It sounded great because I’d taken conferences from you and Pete and I thought it sounded like something that would fit with my belief system.

I had no idea how generous your teaching was going to be in terms of what you send to us.

The best surprise was my “1:00 in the morning” story. One morning I was just not sleeping, so I sat down at the computer at 1:00am. I always have something interesting to pull up on the computer because of the couples training. I was looking at that and I had a question. I thought, “I’ll write Ellyn. I know it’s 1:00 in the morning and I don’t expect anything from her at this point, but I’ll hear something tomorrow or the next day.”

So I wrote you my question at 1:00, and then I was doing some other things on the computer. The next thing I knew, at 1:30 am you wrote me an answer! I said to myself, “Oh my gosh, Ellyn is just as invested in me and my learning as I am in wanting her to teach me!” I thought that was just great.

That was great. I had to laugh.

Ellyn:  It must have been luck because I’m not usually up at 1:30.  But it’s true that you can find me interacting at any hour. And the other participants, too.

Barbara:  What it said to me was that the class is totally worth taking. You’re right on top of everything and it’s so collaborative. We ask our questions, and then you guide us. Everything just works together and that’s really the best way to learn.

Everything is so learning oriented. I take it back with me to my clients, and I weave it into a session, try it out and talk about it with you later.

Ellyn:  Thank you. Let me ask you one last question.

How has the course made a difference in your work in the office with your own clients?

Barbara:  First of all, I have more confidence. When a couple comes in, I have a structure of diagnosing, and now I think in developmental terms.

What’s been so helpful are the different techniques that you offer us. And I’m really expanding what I’m seeing in front of me. I’m trying to look for the big pictures and the patterns and I try to reveal the patterns. It really is a new way that I look at couples and the way that I look at the therapeutic goals.

It has become interwoven in all that I do with the couples. I even use a lot of what we’ve been learning in sessions with parents and children. I do a lot of Initiator-Inquirer with them, and it kind of calms down that reactivity and allows my clients to listen, and they get really good at it.

Ellyn:  That’s fantastic. I’m really glad. I super-appreciate your doing this because your words will resonate with a lot of therapists. I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way that you did. And I want to make sure they see how well the online format can work.

Barbara:  It certainly does work. It’s very interactive. It’s very personal. It’s the calls and the clinical cases that other therapists present. You go through them so meticulously. You point everything out. It’s just like being in a room with you.

Ellyn:  Well, thank you.

Barbara:  You’re welcome. I really enjoyed talking to you. You’ve made it so personal for me, and it’s been great.
Barbara Israels, MFT, has over 20 years experience working with families, couples, and adolescent and adult individuals. She now focuses on couples therapy and relationship issues for both women and men in her private practice in Modesto, CA.