It is not uncommon to hear couples say they don’t argue. Many couples describe their anxiety about fighting or expressing disagreements.

These conflict avoidant systems are not easy for me – and a lot of other therapists – to deal with. Over time the avoidance of disagreements has a strong tendency to emotionally deaden a marriage. In order to keep the peace, partners cut off parts of themselves that could keep the marriage feeling more alive.

So, what do you say when couples say, “We never argue?”

I like this indirect approach. It fosters discussions about taking emotional risks to feel more alive and more like a team.

And it’s adaptable. You can print out a copy and have the couple read it in your office and then discuss it. If you’re meeting online you can email it to them and have them read it either ahead of time or during your meeting. Or both. And then discuss it.

Or you can summarize the blog to the couple and discuss it.

And by the way – it really is true about cows and buffalos.

Enjoy this smoother way to address a challenging topic with conflict avoidant couples.

Face the Storm Together: Lessons for Couples

1. Embrace Challenges Head-On

Picture the storm clouds gathering, dark and ominous. Cows scatter in fear, running away from the storm. Makes some sense doesn’t it? But the storm catches up, making them endure the storm even longer.

But buffalo – ah, the mighty buffalo – charge straight into the heart of the tempest, facing the fury head-on. And they come out on the other side sooner and stronger.

Lesson: Don’t shy away from conflicts. Face your challenges head-on, hand in hand. Together, you’ll weather the storm faster and grow closer in the process. Your love will be the beacon that guides you through the darkest clouds.

2. Synchronize Your Actions

Buffalo don’t just charge individually; they move as one, a powerful force of nature. Cows, in their panic, scatter and lose their way.

Lesson: Be a united front. Align your dreams, your efforts, and your hearts. In sync, you’re an unstoppable team, capable of overcoming any obstacle. Your unity is your strength, your love, your guiding star.

3. Develop a Resilient Mindset

Running from the storm leaves cows in fear’s grip. Buffalo, by facing it head-on, become symbols of resilience and strength.

Lesson: Together, cultivate a mindset that transforms challenges into opportunities for growth. Face adversity with courage, knowing that each trial is a stepping stone to a stronger, more resilient love. Your bond will shine brighter after every storm you conquer.

4. Communicate Openly and Honestly

Buffalo communicate and coordinate their movements with purpose and clarity. Cows, in their panic, lose their direction and connection.

Lesson: Let open, honest communication be the foundation of your relationship. Share your fears, dreams, and plans. Stay connected, and let your words be the bridge that keeps you close, no matter how fierce the storm.

5. Learn from Each Storm

Each storm teaches the buffalo invaluable lessons of survival and strategy. Cows, by avoiding, miss out on these crucial insights.

Lesson: Reflect on your experiences and learn from each challenge. Every storm you face together is a lesson that deepens your understanding and strengthens your bond. Let your love be the anchor that keeps you steady, and the wings that let you soar above the clouds.

Conclusion: Be the Buffalo

Choose to face the storm. Together, transform challenges into powerful bonding experiences. Be proactive, united, resilient, communicative, and always learning. Be the buffalo in your relationship.

Final Thought: Embrace each storm with courage and love. For it is in the storm’s heart that you find the true strength of your bond. Together, you are unstoppable. Together, you are the buffalo.

Get their reaction

And then offer a two-step approach.

1.   Develop compelling reasons why it could be good for them to learn and apply necessary communications skills. The motivation to learn and apply the skills is the foundation for tackling this problem. The more benefits and advantages all of you can generate the better as this strengthens the motivation to do the work.
2.   Start teaching and practicing the skills. Couples need to practice in your office as most will not practice at home. And if they do, they likely will mess it up. Practicing with you coaching them is powerful.

Please use the commenting section to share your reactions to this idea and let us know if you are likely to use this metaphor. We look forward to reading your comments.