- Basic trust. When basic trust is missing, partners fear they are not loveable. They become afraid when their lovers are absent or withdrawn and often create binds that demand their lovers prove them unconditionally loveable.
- Problems with self-other differentiation. These partners desire highly merged relationships and angrily or more subtly create binds to coerce their partners to comply.
- Limited ability to self-soothe. These partners often demand “mind reading,” stay agitated and make unflattering decisions about the other.
- Difficulty with self-activation. All partners who create hypocritical binds have difficulty in this area. The bind in fact includes a rationalization for them not to take action.
A couple that’s been together for fifty-plus years with a history of alcoholism, violence, and codependency walks into your office… No, this isn’t the beginning