Too many couples’ problems are deeply rooted in a complex web of beliefs, hopes, disillusionments, and expectations. “You owe me this.” “I won’t change until he does.” “I’ve done enough.” “She’s wrong about how that fight happened.”

It’s very common for therapists and coaches to take a behavioral approach, asking, “How do I challenge each partner to do something small to make a difference?”

But the real issue often lies in the lack of a shared understanding.

There’s no agreement on what the problem truly is, how to solve it, or what a fair solution might look like.

Each partner becomes deeply committed to their own perspective, and if you confront these views, you’ll likely trigger defensive responses like, “Why are you making this my problem? Can’t you see it’s my partner who’s causing my misery?”

This leads to a cycle where almost any challenge to their negative beliefs is met with a “Yes, but…” or “What about…?” Soon, everyone feels demoralized.

Desperate therapists might then ask, “Should we quit?” or “What are you willing to do to make progress?”

While understandable, this last question often leads to incomplete, defensive responses as each partner retreats further into their self-protective coping behavior.

That’s why on Monday, September 23 at 1pm Pacific, my husband Dr. Pete Pearson and I will demonstrate approaches that foster self-accountability.

Here are a few of the tough situations we’ll address: 

• One partner refuses to change unless their partner changes first
• Clients are hostile, discouraged and don’t believe they can recover from infidelity
• One partner feels super disconnected and doesn’t know how to reconnect
• Clients demand change but are passive and unmotivated 
• A couple keeps fighting about who has the facts straight

We’ve crafted this live event to roleplay in real time, to show you what it looks like to challenge these obstacles, and what to say to move clients away from being so dug-in.

It’s rare for anyone outside of the Developmental Model training program to see Pete and I in this kind of spontaneous roleplay action. Pete hasn’t done a public  session like this in three years!

The series starts on September 16, so this is your LAST CHANCE to join us. This is an incredible opportunity to see these principles in action and learn how to handle even the toughest client situations with confidence and skill. I hope you’ll join us.