Ellyn and I have a special interest in Africa. We’ve been fortunate to travel there a few times, building classrooms in refugee camps and sometimes even going on safaris. On our last African safari I discovered the correlation between rhinos and my marriage.

It’s embarrassingly true.

I learned a group of rhinos is called a “crash.”

Not a herd or a pack, but a crash.

This might be why: rhinos are extremely nearsighted, meaning they can only see things near them. They are essentially blind beyond 60 – 80 feet. But they run pretty darn fast.

A strong healthy rhino can match the speed of Secretariat, who won the Kentucky Derby at about 37 miles per hour. Also, rhinos can weigh up to 7000 pounds.

So imagine a bunch of them running full speed when it’s near dark, and when they see even less than usual. Well, it gets clear why a group of them is called a crash.

So the connection with my marriage is…

It used to be the case that when Ellyn and I would start arguing, the words traveled pretty fast – like racehorses going down the stretch. But neither of us could see very far down the road. If we knew better, we would have thought, “If we keep this up we’re going to crash.”

And so we crashed.

The good news: Today we seem to be a wee bit smarter than the rhinos.

We can see a crash coming and often do a course correction. We ask more questions, listen to the answers, and reflect on how we each aspire to be as an effective partner under stress. This helps avoid crashes.

So you probably know where I’m heading with this.

Do you have any rhino traits in your marriage? Leave a comment below.