[Editor’s Note: This exercise for couples helps partners communicate to each other twice a day that they love, respect, value, or appreciate what they do or who they are. We are pleased to share it here – for couples you work with or for yourself, if you’re in a relationship!]

Here’s something you can do for your relationship today. It’s called The Daily Double 30-Day Challenge. Twice a day – for 30 consecutive days – say or do something that communicates to your partner that you love, value or appreciate them.

Why do this practice? Your brain cannot be appreciative and simultaneously be angry, fearful or resentful. It’s like trying to breathe in and out at the same time – you can’t do it.

Here are some things you can do:

1. Send a loving or playful text message.
2. Cook a special meal.
3. Wash their car or put gas in it.
4. Give a foot or back massage.
5. Do a household chore that is not your regular job.
6. Give a genuine compliment (especially powerful in front of other people).
7. Say both “please” and “thank you” today.
8. Express compassion in a difficult situation.
9. Pick up your clutter before going to bed.
10. Put a love note on their pillow.

Here are some ways you can be more positive and attentive when things are difficult:

1. Listen to difficult comments and keep your cool.
2. Make better eye contact.
3. Recap what you are hearing in a conversation and help slow things down to a more manageable pace.
4. Ask questions about your partner’s perspectives and reality.
5. When you feel like you need to solve a problem, first ask your partner if they want advice.
6. Take several relaxing breaths instead of negatively commenting on your partner's annoying habit.
7. Take a time out instead of continuing a downward spiral argument.
8. When you have a negative thought about your partner, shift to thinking about what you appreciate.
9. Think about how you aspire to be before having a difficult discussion, for example, to be curious about your partner’s perspective, be patient, be calm, be assertive, be concise, be considerate, be understanding, etc.
10. Apologize for your part in a bad situation or conversation.

If you do something positive today that’s not on the list, write it down and count it – and congratulate yourself.

And don't forget to download your 30-Day Challenge calendar here. You can check off days as you progress and even record the things you do.

What positive actions are working for you? Do you have ideas in addition to the ones above? Add your experience to the comments below.