
Initiator InquirerUsing Initiator-Inquirer to Support Growth in Couples![]() Utilize the Initiator-Inquirer Process in Couples Therapy
Stop Angry, Hostile Fighting and Immediately Structure More Effective Interaction
![]() Developmental Change, Focus on the Initiator, Part 3
Therapist Errors: Not Recognizing Protective Passivity
![]() Developmental Change, Focus on the Initiator, Part 2
Recognizing When Your Client Defines a Clear Issue with Related Feelings
![]() Developmental Change: Focus on the Initiator with Volatile Couples![]() Conflict Avoidance: Shifting Relationship Impasses, Part 2![]() Attachment and Differentiation in Directing Change
The beginning of each year is a time when I reflect on my own goals for the year and also stop and think about whether I have a clear direction with each of my clients. I frequently check in with each partner to see that we have agreement about their focus.
Developing a strong direction with a high probability of success in couples therapy often involves supporting the couple's bond and simultaneously stressing the importance of self-directed differentiated change — change that is not connected to what the partner does. What does this actually look like?
In early sessions, it is important to define what positive outcome each partner is trying to create.… Read more...
Challenging Choice Points for Using the Initiator-Inquirer Process
This month's newsletter is specifically for you if you use the Initiator-Inquirer process in your work with couples. The Initiator-Inquirer helps partners repair emotional upset while increasing the differentiation in each partner.
Often the therapist is confronted with challenging choice points about which partner to focus on, when it is impossible to work deeply with both partners in a single session.
Common choice points are:
1. Do I work more actively with the Initiator or the Inquirer when both are emotionally distressed?
2. When has an emotional upset occurred for too long in the room?… Read more...
Beyond Listening Skills: Developing Compassion and Empathy
So, after several months of us working with a single session with Tom and Vicky, I am now posting the final section of this transcript. Before reading it you might want to review last month’s post and some of the insightful comments by your colleagues about the process of developing compassion and empathy.
We begin this section with only about 10 minutes left in the session. Until this point, much of the focus has been on Tom. Now, I want to check in and work with Vicky before the session ends.
I step partially out of the Initiator-Inquirer framework. I don’t know Vicky very well yet and I want to understand her more completely.… Read more...
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