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With certain presenting problems, it’s obvious that some confrontation will be required. For example, the denial associated with drugs, alcohol or gambling addiction will inevitably require confrontation from either you or the spouse.
Also, the major lies and deceptions that happen with infidelity are often obvious in calling for confrontation.
However, there are some more subtle patterns, like symbiosis and regression, that also take skillful confrontation. Long ago I realized it would be impossible to do successful couples work without confronting the consequences of these behaviors. Without becoming skillful at disrupting symbiosis and recognizing and challenging regression, couples work will just skim the surface.… Read more...
Confrontation skills did not come naturally to me. When I was growing up, if I had issues with my sister or my mother, my father sent me to my room saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
As a therapist, it took concerted effort for me to learn how to be nice and make effective confrontations at the same time. I had to learn how to make incisive confrontations or watch couples repeat the same negative patterns over and over.
To be effective, you must be able to hold up a mirror so that partners can see (and recognize non-defensively) what they are doing and how they are getting in their own way.… 
Click here to better understand the many challenges self-absorbed partners create for couples therapists.… 
