
listeningDeep Listening on a Japanese Subway
An account by the first American Aikido Master trained in Japan, Terry Dobson
The train clanked and rattled through the suburbs of Tokyo on a drowsy spring afternoon. Our car was comparatively empty – a few housewives with their kids in tow, some old folks going shopping. I gazed absently at the drab houses and dusty hedgerows.
At one station the doors opened, and suddenly the afternoon quiet was shattered by a man bellowing violent, incomprehensible curses. The man staggered into our car. He wore laborer's clothing, and he was big, drunk and dirty. Screaming, he swung at a woman holding a baby.… Read more...
Do you think you listen to your spouse? Think again.![]() In Sickness and in Health![]() Vacation Time![]() Felony Lies![]() Couples Resources
This page, organized by the type of program, summarizes the various couples resources that are offered by The Couples Institute. These are in addition to couples therapy, which is described here.
Couples Workshops
Sign up to join Michelle Wangler Joy, M.A., MFT, for the next Couples Communication Workshop to learn skills to overcome stubborn relationship challenges.
Invite one of our therapists to speak to your couples, parents, or family-focused community group by contacting our office here.
E-Book
Initiating Calm Discussions
In this e-book by Ellyn Bader, Ph.D. and Peter Pearson, Ph.D., you will discover three different perspectives for every discussion.… Read more...
Here is Your Additional Information on Collaborative Conversations![]() Does Summer Vacation Planning Raise Problems for You?
Summer vacations can involve family visits, which often present a challenge for many couples. This time of year when some couples do their summer vacation planning, I thought it might be timely to share with you a column I wrote for the “San Jose Mercury News.”
Q: My husband and I are at odds over visiting his family in Florida. His mother has remarried (his father died years ago) and her husband is impossible to be around. He is constantly criticizing me and the kids, and when we visit I have a terrible time. My husband says I am overly sensitive and should just “let it go,” which is how he handles his family.… Read more...
How to Identify Failed Empathy in the Narcissistic Personality
… and Utilize Specific Tools for Increasing Differentiation
Last month we talked about one defensive pattern of a narcissistic partner. This month we will address the low level of empathy in the narcissistic partner.
A narcissistic partner would never start therapy by saying this in an initial interview:
“I wish I could give even when it isn't convenient for me. However, I hate to admit I'm wrong and I have a very thin skin, so I frequently make demands or attack my partner. I wish I could make a sustained effort to give and respond in an empathic way. But, I am rarely giving or nurturing unless I feel like it.”… Read more...
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