intimacy

Searching for Intimacy and Aliveness

Here is the transcript I promised you in my most recent blog post, “Moving Couples Through Defense and Ambivalence Toward Intimacy.”  In that blog post I said that when I hear clients “intellectualizing” a desire for intimacy, it’s an indicator that they’re in the “Adult-ego state,” and probably covering vulnerability and fear. This transcript demonstrates the Gestalt two-chair work that I discussed in that blog post. Two-chair work can be extremely helpful in identifying parts of the self that are blocked. Notice how difficult it is for Sue, the client, to feel her aliveness. Wanting it and experiencing it are two different things.… Read more...

11 Ways to Give the Gift of Intimacy

purple present box isolated on white Intimacy will last longer than most of the items typically exchanged as gifts this season – certainly longer than the latest trends in fashion or a digital device that will be obsolete in six months. Here are 11 ways to give or increase intimacy over the holiday season:… Read more...

Practical Perspective for Fighting Couples

Oprah 225Recently we were fortunate to be published in The Oprah Magazine. It’s a publication that always puts things in a practical perspective. We were asked to offer a few insights into the frustrating and perplexing arena of fighting couples. You’ll find us in the November issue of The Oprah Magazine, on page 121.… Read more...

Focus on Infidelity

Just days ago I arrived home from the stellar conference, Anatomy of Intimacy – Focus on Infidelity that took place at University of California, Irvine, and I was immediately slammed with the cold/flu that is going around. Now that I am alert and functional again, I wanted to share some updates and reflections with you before they recede into the “busyness” of holiday preparations. The conference was dynamic and fascinating and made me marvel that no meeting ever before has focused exclusively on the complexity of infidelity.… Read more...

5 Principles for Sustaining Intimacy in Your Marriage

  The following list highlights some of the principles that we believe are most helpful in creating and sustaining intimacy. Some of these principles are counterintuitive. 1. The foundation for ongoing sustained intimacy comes from partners being able to explore, appreciate and presevere in managing differences rather than similarities. Almost everything is predicated on this first principle. After an initial bond is formed, the intimacy potential in a relationship will always remain low if couples avoid exploring their differences and contradictions. Without this exploration, differences and contradictions become walls and barriers instead of bridges.… Read more...

Actions of True Intimacy: a Different Gift for Valentine’s Day

Are you willing to go beyond flowers, dinner and chocolate for Valentine's day? Here's a different gift. The gift of intimacy. It will last longer than a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. The poet Rilke once advised a friend that a good marriage does not create “a quick community of spirit by tearing down and destroying all boundaries,” but rather appoints the other “guardian of his solitude.” Rilke's comments, applicable to all committed partnerships, point to the mutual respect and clarity that form the basis for genuine intimacy. Here are 10 ways to deepen your intimacy.… Read more...

Stepping Stones to Intimacy: A Positive Outlook On Problems

heart and handsIf you believe problems and disillusionment are inevitable, you're right. Curiously, it is not the problems that create so much distress. Your relationship satisfaction will actually depend upon these things as you experience different stages of intimacy: ♥ How you think about your difficulties ♥ How you manage your feelings ♥ Where you focus your attention ♥ How you act and communicate under stress… Read more...
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