collaboration

Your Marriage Is Like a Koi Fish

Picture an attractive pond in a park or resort garden. It’s surrounded by beautiful little trees and bushes. Maybe there’s a bridge. And always koi, those bright ornamental fish that come in a variety of colors and patterns. Even though I don’t know you, I’m willing to make an imaginary wager that your marriage is like a koi fish.… Read more...

A Disarming Confrontation in Couples Therapy

Choice Traffic SignA very distressed, acrimonious couple comes to see you for couples therapy. They’ve done significant damage to each other over the years. It seems they will fight about anything and you feel like you are getting nowhere. All your best efforts are thwarted. You say to them, “I’m sorry to give you some bad news. You are faced with two ugly choices. This is probably not what you want to hear. Yet, it is your current reality.”… Read more...

How To Be a More Effective Couples Therapist

… By Helping Yourself or Getting Help From Other Colleagues As another school year begins, I reflect on it as a time of beginnings and endings. For me, I have just lived through the joy, excitement and sadness of taking my daughter Molly to college. How exhilarating to see the sparkle in her eye as she met new kids, planned her schedule and contemplated living on her own. I loved the way she set one goal for herself. She said, “I've decided I want to be just like the people I admire, the ones who are friendly and extend themselves self-confidently in new situations.” And when I took her to her new campus for a day of registration, I watched proudly as she took the risks she had set for herself.… Read more...

Leadership and Marriage

Effective leaders and effective marriages have three things in common: 1. Leaders and partners learn from their experiences. 2. They learn how to adapt to changing conditions. 3. They pay attention and anticipate probable future problems. During the winter of 1911, Robert Scott was racing to be the first man to get to the South Pole. He set off on a journey of adventure with the potential for enormous satisfaction but also filled with hardships and difficulties–just like the adventure of marriage. However, Scott violated all three principles. He totally disregarded what the Eskimos had learned from centuries of experience and harnessed 19 dogs in single file pulling 5 sleds in a row.… Read more...
Menu