Building Schools and Lives in Kenya
As you may know, over the past 5 years I’ve been involved in building schools in communities for traumatically displaced people. Working through the nonprofit organization World Teacher Aid, we’ve completed 7 schools, each serving about 500 kids, and we have more schools on the way. We are building schools and lives at the same […]
Dr. Ellyn Bader and Other Experts on Differentiation at Couples Conference
Day 2 was on Differentiation at Couples Conference 2016. In a panel discussion early in the day, I set the stage for understanding differentiation by explaining that in thriving relationships, partners are able to… Express their own thoughts, feelings, wishes and desires while being curious about their partner’s thoughts, feelings, wishes and desires. And with […]
Helen Fisher, Dan Siegel & Stan Tatkin on Neuroscience at Couples Conference
One of my most satisfying professional accomplishments is the 21-year collaboration with the Milton Erickson Foundation co-sponsoring the Couples Conference. Each year we bring together an inspiring faculty with a large group of couples therapists from around the world. Our mission is to push the field and provide training and updates on what’s new. The […]
Emotion vs. Thinking in War and Marriage
As the Presidential primary races heat up and the November elections approach, I find myself thinking more and more about the role of emotion vs thinking in decision-making. Our clients – and our politicians – often speak with the limbic brain in charge. Many essential decisions get made on raw emotion! Sadly, these decisions have […]
Ask Ellyn: 8 questions, 8 answers, 8 days!
You have probably had a couple who has stalled out. There is progress, then regression. This happens for many reasons: change requires time and developmental evolution; trauma gets triggered and re-triggered; partners don’t take home with them what they learned in therapy; and many more… So I’ve created a new series to help you when […]
Confrontation Options: Financial Irresponsibility
“Many of us believe that wrongs aren’t wrong if done by nice people like ourselves.” Author Unknown. At the risk of starting this blog sounding sexist, there are two common areas of regression I’ve seen in men and women over many years working with couples. Women often dig in and want to be taken care […]
Couples Therapy Benefits From Interpersonal Neurobiology
In my online training program, I often invite guest experts to teach an extra class for my members. Recently Dr. Dan Siegel joined us. He packed an enormous amount into the time we all spent together. Dr. Dan Siegel is never complacent. Instead, he is always pushing the field and taking really complex material and […]
Clinical Example: Transcript of a Hostile Angry Couple
In my last blog post, I gave a list of practical suggestions to support your work with hostile angry couples. To end my series on working with hostile angry couples, I offer you a transcript that demonstrates the last two principles that were on that list. These were my last two suggestions on that list: […]
Suggestions for Working with Hostile Angry Couples
We are now halfway through my blog series on Hostile Angry Couples. In the first blog I wrote about some challenges you face working with these couples. The second blog suggested goals for both you and the couple. At the end of the second blog post, I promised to summarize some solutions to these challenges.
Goals of Early Therapy with Hostile Angry Couples
Goal Setting is always helpful to drive progress in couples therapy, and with hostile angry couples the use of goal setting in early therapy is particularly important. Goals will help you focus the session even when partners arrive for their appointment reverberating from their last fight – or launch into a new one! You’ll be […]
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