affair

Avoid Losing Control, Momentum or Direction in Couples Therapy

Here are links to all 9 blog posts in my series on losing control, momentum or direction in couples therapy. The first three blogs are on Losing Control: Losing Control: When couples sessions spin out of control Losing Control: It happens sooner than you think Losing Control: When couples fight The next three are on Losing Momentum: Losing Momentum: Do you start strong and then see the energy fizzle? Losing Momentum: With passive-aggressive partners and their spouses Losing Momentum: When one partner keeps obsessing about the details of a partner’s affair The last three are on Losing Direction: Losing Direction: Where are you going and what are you using for a roadmap?… Read more...

The affair, the discovery, the betrayer’s first task…

Many people say the worst marital crime is having an affair. It breaks the bonds of trust that were assumed at the beginning of your relationship. Imagine you are in a start up company that is struggling. Then it is discovered that your partner has been embezzling funds. You started your company together with optimism and hope. Of course you assumed you could trust each other, so you never dreamed of such a thing, let alone “planned” how you would handle it! The aftershocks and consequences of the discovery ripple through the entire business and partnership. I am reminded of Gandhi’s observation about trust: “The moment there is suspicion about a person’s motives, everything else he does becomes tainted.” You don’t know what is truth or deception when you talk to the embezzler.… Read more...

Painful Interactions Are Defining Moments in Couples Therapy

angry outburst_225Sooner or later you will encounter a situation where one partner is aggressively triggered in your office. They explode after hearing an unexpected comment. At that point they are flooded with emotion and become explosively furious. They often just want to “express their rage” and they definitely don’t want to be interrupted.… Read more...
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