Super Negotiating for Couples
Marriage is a challenge. Growing your business is a challenge. What happens when you try to combine the two? I know first-hand how daunting it is to blend these two endeavors. You see, I’m in business with my wife. For over twenty years we directed The Couples Institute together. As psychologists specializing in marriage counseling, […]
A Surprising (and Magical) Perspective on Your Marriage
Every couple has some aggravations with their relationship that seem to defy understanding. “Why in the heck does he/she keep doing that when it is guaranteed to start an argument?” Sometimes these puzzles are hard to figure out. But if you ask different questions or ask them in a different way, you might get a […]
Surprising Medical Study: Is Your Marriage Like Poison Ivy?
Recently as I was reading a mostly dry academic journal, I came upon an interesting research article about the power of beliefs. It’s a common notion that our beliefs profoundly affect our lives. And this article presented the kind of verification that psychologists seek when attempting to prove that notion. The evidence was detailed in […]
In Search of Marital Honesty: A Surprising Perspective
How often has your partner made a legitimate request and you replied, “Well, frankly I don’t want to do that?” It’s probably rare, even when it is the honest thing for you to say. Marital honesty involves the willingness to take emotional risks. Here’s what I mean. Terry complains that she cannot depend on Jim […]
Listen and Concentrate
It is impossible for me to even estimate the number of times I hear couples in my office say their partner doesn’t listen or understand. Often both people will say it. As my practice is in Silicon Valley, home of some of the brightest people on the planet, one would think understanding would come easier. […]
The Deepest Act of Forgiveness: Forgiving Yourself
A friend forgives another friend for gossiping about her. A husband forgives a wife for lying to him about her intimate relationship with another man. A mother forgives the man who murdered her daughter. The human capacity to forgive even the deepest wrongs is awe-inspiring. For many people, forgiving others is liberation from anger and […]
What’s That You Said? The Fears That Prevent Us From Speaking Up
How much do you value being seen and heard? Do you really want a truly successful relationship? How important is it to have impact on others? Let’s look at speaking up! Of course, for some people, that’s easier said than done. You might prefer to sky dive without a parachute than tell another person what’s […]
Actions of True Intimacy: a Different Gift for Valentine’s Day
Are you willing to go beyond flowers, dinner and chocolate for Valentine’s day? Here’s a different gift. The gift of intimacy. It will last longer than a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. The poet Rilke once advised a friend that a good marriage does not create “a quick community of spirit by […]
10 Ways to Love Fearlessly
Let’s face it: love is messy. With its magnified highs and lows, love is unpredictable and never what we expect – so much so that we might be tempted to cower in fear. But if we approach love with the courage of a warrior, we can have relationships of heroic proportions. Here are 10 ways: […]
More On Sticks and Stones
“Sticks and Stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” From personal and professional experience I know that’s not true. And the scientific proof has just become quite dramatic. I recently read in a professional journal that neuroscientists have discovered that the place in our brain that lights up when we are […]
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