About Peter Pearson

Peter Pearson, Ph.D., Relationship & Teamwork Expert for Entrepreneur Couples

Pete has been training and coaching couples to become a strong team since 1984 when he co-founded The Couples Institute with his psychologist wife, Ellyn Bader.

Their popular book, “Tell Me No Lies,” is about being honest with compassion and growing stronger as a couple.

Pete has been featured on over 50 radio and television programs including “The Today Show,” "Good Morning America,” and "CBS Early Morning News,” and quoted in major publications including “The New York Times,” “Oprah Magazine,” “Redbook,” “Cosmopolitan,” and “Business Insider.”

Here are my most recent posts

What Is Your Love Language?

Has it ever dawned on you that your partner may not experience love the same way you do? If you have been together a while, you may have figured this out by now. Lest there be any doubt, a great question to ask your partner is, what’s your love language? When you ask about love languages, you might get a deer in the headlights look, so be prepared to explain what you mean. The term “love language” is a phrase first coined by Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book called The Five Love Languages. In the book, Dr. Chapman describes how he realized that the clients in his marriage counseling practice were often at odds in their relationships not because they didn’t love each other or weren’t trying, but because they expressed and experienced love for each other differently.… Read more...

What Would You March For?

Dateline Hong Kong August 18, 2019 Protestor March, 5:03 PM I am standing in front of a mall in the middle of Hong Kong as thousands of marchers parade by me in the rain. No violence. No threats. No police brutality. Some chants in Chinese but not too much or too loud. Some marchers are couples holding hands. Some couples are pushing strollers with babies and toddlers getting an early taste of what it means to march for freedom. They walk past me by the thousands. It seems like a never-ending stream of peacefully moving humanity. So far this parade has been 45–minutes long and still no end to it. Watching this flow of frustrated freedom seekers, I feel as safe as I would on Sunday afternoon in quiet Menlo Park, California. … Read more...

Pete’s Interview – Stages of Relationships – Triggers

Thanks for your interest in my recent interview on NPR. I hope you get some valuable insights for your relationship regarding: The stages of a relationship or marriage Lies we tell our partners Triggers we have that cause challenges in our relationships You won't want to miss my impromptu session with a stranger where I walked a listener through a long time trigger that he had interacting with his partner. In less than ten minutes, he was able to begin feeling differently and break a pattern he has had for years (Listener Question 2 at about 36 minutes in). Your browser does not support the audio element. Podcast Highlights: 01:05 – Honeymoon Stage and Innocent Lies in the Beginning 05:40 – Avoiding the Truth 10:00 – Start to Work as a TEAM 10:45 – Partners on a Pedestal at the Beginning 11:30 – Tell Me No Lies 11:45 – Second Stage – Power Struggles 15:50 – Marriage is the only Non-Hierarchical Relationship there is.… Read more...

The Cookie Jar Marriage

The cookie jar is an interesting concept. It’s so much more than a storage container! It’s where kids head for an immediate snack when feeling down or to celebrate when feeling great. Know what? We never outgrow the lure of the cookie jar. Only now there are different kinds of cookies in the jar. Instead of chocolate chip cookies, there are different kinds of treats, a.k.a. immediate gratifications of primal desires. We head for these cookies when we feel tired, mad, sad, glad or scared. These “cookies” are labeled… Procrastination Sloth Gluttony Booze Drugs Greed Anger Fighting back Withdrawing Retreating into our self-protective bubble Whining Blaming Grumpiness Irritability These “cookies” can become as addictive as the originals are.… Read more...

A grave digger’s perspective about one kind of marriage

I used to be a grave digger. College summer job. No heavy equipment. Just two good shovels, pick axe, tape measure, string, and a tarp. I wasn’t that philosophical then. I could not have imagined that someday I’d see parallels between that and my current psychology practice specializing in couple’s therapy. I’m talking about the price that some couples pay to keep the peace in their marriage. The slow, torturous death of continuous acquiescence. Every couple knows it is important to compromise. But what happens when conflict avoidant couples carry it too far? What parts of their relationship get buried when they deny or distort their dreams?… Read more...

How to Get the Most from Our Work Together

Couples are often uncertain what to expect from the process of couples coaching. They are not sure of what to expect of the coach or even if the coach has any expectations of them. I have found most couples approach coaching with the notion that each person will describe their distress and somehow the coach will assist them to create a happier, more functional, relationship. They expect to learn some new or better skills. However, most people hope their partner will do most of the learning in problem areas. After 30 years of clinical experience and specializing in working with thousands of couples, I have arrived at some guidelines that can make our work more effective.… Read more...

Teamwork: From now on if someone calls me chicken . . .

From now on if someone calls me “chicken,” I'll take that as a huge compliment. For any person – especially a male – being called chicken is a searing insult. But not for me. Not anymore. Not after what I witnessed. Here’s the back story. It was a summer afternoon on my vacation in Kauai. I was on the patio feeding a mother hen and her five baby chicks bits of wheat bread. They run wild on the Hawaiian island and are protected by state law. I got to the place where the baby chicks eagerly ate out of my hand. Then I fed a chunk to Mama Hen and she dropped it on the ground. Immediately one of the chicks snatched it and ran off.… Read more...

Rituals for Mother’s Day

Contrary to the cynic’s belief, Mother’s Day is not an invention of Hallmark. The roots actually predate Hallmark, going back to ancient Egyptians, Greeks and Romans. Now's a good time to think about Mother's Day rituals in your family. According to Wikipedia, Mother’s Day in America was created by Anna Jarvis Grafton in 1908 as a day to honor mothers everywhere. Jarvis was inspired by her mother's dream of making a celebration for all mothers. President Woodrow Wilson made the day an official national holiday in 1914. The holiday eventually became so highly commercialized that many, including its founder, Anna Jarvis, considered it a “Hallmark holiday,” one with an overwhelming commercial purpose.… Read more...

Reflections on Motherhood

Breakfast in Bed Most couples have no idea about the stresses of parenthood before the first child arrives. Sleep deprivation, economic stress, cranky kids, too little time together and challenging limit setting all stress the most loving relationship. And well-meaning in-laws can stir up trouble too. Nobody said motherhood was easy. Watch this video to see some reflections on motherhood and ways to be good to yourself.… Read more...

What new marriages can learn from failed restaurants

As you probably know, the divorce rate for American couples in a first marriage is about 50%. When you factor in the high numbers of couples who don’t divorce, but stay together in mutual misery, the track record for failed marriages is even worse.… Read more...
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