Dr. Ellyn Bader is Co-Founder & Director of The Couples Institute and creator of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. Ellyn is widely recognized as an expert in couples therapy, and since 2006 she has led innovative online training programs for therapists. Professionals from around the world connect with her through internet, conference calls and blog discussions to study couples therapy. Ellyn’s first book, "In Quest of the Mythical Mate," won the Clark Vincent Award by the California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists for its outstanding contribution to the field of marital therapy and is now in its 18th printing. She has been featured on over 50 radio and television programs including "The Today Show" and "CBS Early Morning News," and she has been quoted in many publications including "The New York Times," "The Oprah Magazine" and "Cosmopolitan."
Too many couples’ problems are deeply rooted in a complex web of beliefs, hopes, disillusionments, and expectations. “You owe me this.” “I won’t change until he does.” “I’ve done enough.” “She’s wrong about how that fight happened.” It’s very common for therapists and coaches to take a behavioral approach, asking, “How do I challenge each […]
I am excited to share with you reflections on our trip to Kenya. It was an unbelievable trip, and I am deeply grateful to the therapists and coaches in our community who took the leap to come along with us. We had two main goals: Provide support for our three counselors – Joanne, Milkah, and […]
Finding out that a client has been lying to you and their spouse about ongoing infidelity is very tricky. Suddenly what was already a difficult infidelity repair case gets a whole lot tougher.
Let’s look at what happens when a couple starts a session by dumping the fight of the week on you. Here is one example of what you might say: “Before we jump into discussing your fight, think of our time together today not as conflict resolution, but instead as a time to learn. You are […]
Let’s tackle partners who make outrageous narcissistic or entitled demands on their partner or on you.
Note from the Couples Institute team: Ellyn wrote this blog post before leaving for Kenya but we couldn’t post it until today. So she’s there already – and we can’t wait to hear more about the trip when she returns! I’m counting down the days and minutes! On Monday, Pete and I will travel to […]
I just recently returned from the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium that took place March 22-24, in Washington, DC! As you may know, I like to share tidbits after I attend and present at conferences. I had not been to the Networker in many years, and most of this year’s conference experience was delightful. It was exciting […]
Couples often come to therapy with high hopes, vulnerability, and a spoken desire for transformation. They also come with years of pain, hostility, and unresolved issues. Their awareness of what creates change is usually minimal. 3 Paradoxes of Early Sessions Clients want change, yet they resist it. They have big demands from each other and […]
Last month I attended the Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference, in Anaheim, CA. Their website identifies this conference as “The Premier Event for Psychotherapy Education.” And this particular one, their first fully live one since the pandemic, was especially anticipated. Another headline read, “Get ready for the best psychotherapy event in six years.” I presented much […]
I am stuck at home with COVID when I had planned to be in a beach house with Pete and our grandchildren. I’m feeling tired, disappointed, and also a little fuzzy in the brain. But even that doesn’t stop me from thinking about couples therapy! I am thinking about what happens between two people that […]
