Dr. Ellyn Bader is Co-Founder & Director of The Couples Institute and creator of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. Ellyn is widely recognized as an expert in couples therapy, and since 2006 she has led innovative online training programs for therapists. Professionals from around the world connect with her through internet, conference calls and blog discussions to study couples therapy. Ellyn’s first book, "In Quest of the Mythical Mate," won the Clark Vincent Award by the California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists for its outstanding contribution to the field of marital therapy and is now in its 18th printing. She has been featured on over 50 radio and television programs including "The Today Show" and "CBS Early Morning News," and she has been quoted in many publications including "The New York Times," "The Oprah Magazine" and "Cosmopolitan."
Friday night at Networker: Ellyn and Pete connect with Developmental Model Colleagues and Trainees Reflections from the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium I’ve just returned from the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium in Washington, D.C. It’s a gathering that continues to be one of the most stimulating and wide-ranging conferences in our field. Each year when I return from […]
About thirty minutes into a regular weekly team meeting, I started losing my concentration. You might not know this, but there is a small team behind The Couples Institute®. About twelve people keep things moving. Customer care, program delivery, operations, marketing, technology. Most of us work remotely, so we have a team meeting on Zoom […]
The Hidden Fear Beneath Hostile Interaction Many couples enter therapy in a state of intense distress. They are not just unhappy – they are entrenched in repetitive, hostile exchanges that leave both partners feeling misunderstood, unsafe, and exhausted. For therapists, these couples can be especially challenging. The intensity in the room is immediate. The conflict […]
As we look into the New Year, I want to share with you very clearly what Couples Institute stands for, now and always. Most of us became therapists because somewhere deep down, we felt the call to change lives and make a difference in the world. We wanted to walk with people through the fire, […]
When therapists ask me which tool has had the biggest impact on couples around the world, the answer is always the same: the Initiator–Inquirer (I-I) Process. It remains one of the most powerful, reliable interventions we teach in our year-long Developmental Model training program. Today’s blog post shows you part of a transcript from an […]
Some couples come to therapy not just hurting – but hurting each other. They bring chaos, hostility, interruptions, and accusations, and sometimes you get caught in the middle of it all. If you’ve ever sat in a session with a hostile, reactive couple, you know the feeling: “Where do I even begin?” This was the […]
High-conflict, emotionally reactive couples are on the rise. In today’s charged world, many of us are seeing more couples who escalate quickly, struggle with emotional dysregulation, and arrive in therapy not to grow but to push for their partner’s change. These dynamics can easily pull clinicians off balance – especially early in treatment when patterns […]
All couples engage in some conflict when they’re in therapy. But some can’t seem to manage themselves for even a few minutes without exploding into rage, resentment, blame – or dissolving in tears. Why Volatile Couples Present Unique Challenges in Therapy If you’re treating a volatile couple, their repetitive, heated responses to your questions lead […]
When couples come in after an affair is revealed, the presenting issue is often labeled simply: infidelity. But what sits underneath that word is much more complex – and much more painful. It’s not just about sex. It’s not only about deception. It’s about a unilateral decision to blow up what was previously a mutual […]
Once again, I am on a plane with some time to write. I’m glad to complete part two of the Networker Conference highlights for you. I’ll start with the workshop I presented on Infidelity, then summarize a keynote panel on Therapy in a Polarized World, and also two clinical workshops demonstrating therapy unfold in real […]
