Mythical Mate

Reflections on Attachment and Differentiation

At this year's Couples Conference in Boston, I participated in a panel discussion with Sue Johnson, one of the founders of Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT, on the role of attachment and differentiation-based interventions in couples therapy. This month I wanted to share with you some of my remarks and reflections on the outcome of that discussion. Opening: I wanted to do this panel with Sue because she has spent much of her career focusing on facilitating secure attachment in couples' relationships, and I have spent years teaching and describing differentiation. I believe that in humans a dialectic tension exists between the desire for connection/closeness and the push towards individual development and self fulfillment.… Read more...

Couples Therapy Tools: The Paper Exercise

When I am doing training, I get many requests to learn more about the Paper Exercise. I thought you might like having more information about it. The Paper Exercise is an exercise that Pete and I adapted from Susan Campbell’s book, The Couples Journey. The exercise sounds a bit contrived, but it is so revealing of couples’ dynamics that it is worthwhile learning to use it. It can be used either diagnostically or as an intervention into the couples’ system. Setting up the exercise You will need a piece of plain white 8 ½ x 11 paper. Hold it in your hand, look into the eyes of one partner, and say, “This piece of paper represents something important to you.… Read more...
Menu