Rapid Fire Tips for Holiday Division of Labor
How many decisions will you make with your honey over the holidays? Whether you guess fifty or five hundred, I guarantee that you will make even more. The holidays are full of choices: gifts, guests, travels, money, menus, and more. And many of these decisions are made begrudgingly, especially as the calendar fills up and […]
Integrating Individual Therapy Sessions into Couples Therapy
6 Advantages of Making This Choice This month we are writing our thoughts about the question that is asked more often than any other when we are teaching and training. The question is: Do you see partners individually when you are working with the couple? Our resounding answer is yes. There are more advantages of […]
The Hidden Cost of Too Much Compromise in Your Relationship
Who hasn’t heard about the importance of compromise in a relationship? But how often do we hear about the price that is paid for that compromise? In a relationship of significance, most people do things that are accommodating. But what happens when that behavior becomes passive behavior and is over-accommodating? What happens when you deny, […]
How to Help Couples Navigate Desire Discrepancy with Confidence
How to Help Couples Navigate Desire Discrepancy with Confidence Reprinted from San Jose Mercury News (CA) Pete Pearson, co-founder of The Couples Institute® occasionally writes answers for a Q&A column on relationships in the San Jose Mercury News. This month we’re sharing a column he wrote on the common problem of sexual desire discrepancy. Question: […]
Take Time in Confronting Spouse’s Annoying Habits
Today’s question is answered by therapist Dr. Peter Pearson, co-founder of the Menlo Park Couples Institute. QUESTION: My husband and I have been married 20 years, and we get along well most of the time, but lately a new habit of his is driving me crazy. He will stay up much later than I do […]
How to Tell the Truth, Part 2
Last month we presented the first six steps to telling the truth with your partner, even when it’s on a difficult or touchy subject. To review the article, where the steps are described in more detail, click here 1. Make the decision to be truthful. 2. Decide what you want to happen. 3. Explore your […]
How to Identify Failed Empathy in the Narcissistic Personality
And Utilize Specific Tools For Increasing Differentiation Last month we talked about one defensive pattern of a narcissistic partner. This month we will address the low level of empathy in the narcissistic partner. A narcissistic partner would never start therapy by saying this in an initial interview: “I wish I could give even when it […]
Six Steps to Telling the Truth
It’s understandable that couples are wary about bringing up sensitive topics. The avoidance of pain and distress are major motivators to go into hiding. But too much avoidance or passive behavior can lead to marital corrosion. So how can this difficult problem be managed? Because of the extra length, this month’s column is divided into […]
The Narcissistic Personality
Why Recognizing Hurt and Vulnerability Leads to Greater Self-Acceptance Our culture in the United States is one that supports narcissism. We tend to revere athletes and celebrities and elevate those who are rich or beautiful. Many of these people give very little to get a lot. Someone once said, “If it weren’t for marriage or […]
7 Step Process if You Want to Influence Your Spouse to Change
Everyone has something they’d like to change in their partner. As a therapist, you know that the biggest improvements in a couples’ relationship come when both people change and grow. Couples’ relationships present an interesting paradox. Growth is spurred by partners pushing up against each other and challenging one another to change. This pushing and […]
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