Personal Growth – When Is It Enough?
Mary thinks she’d be happy if she could just change her weight, her looks and her job. Sean believes that he’s an okay person except for certain personality traits, such as anxiety, impatience and his quick temper. Yolanda’s shelves are bulging with self-improvement books; she’s read them all but she still hates herself. Who among […]
Hope for “Empty Nesters”
QUESTION: This year my husband and I became empty nesters, and we are not adjusting well. I find that I am missing our daughter every day, and moping around waiting for her to come home. My husband has thrown himself into his work. We don’t fight, but we are more roommates than spouses. Some of […]
Stepping Stones to Intimacy: A Positive Outlook On Problems
If you believe problems and disillusionment are inevitable, you’re right. Curiously, it is not the problems that create so much distress. Your relationship satisfaction will actually depend upon these things as you experience different stages of intimacy:♥ How you think about your difficulties♥ How you manage your feelings♥ Where you focus your attention♥ How you […]
Three Types of Goals and Their Use in Couples Therapy
This month we describe a way of classifying goals into three succinct categories and we show how to use them in couples therapy sessions. Goals can be classified into three types: “doing,” “having/getting” and “being.” Consider each type: 1. DOING. These are action-oriented goals. They require some active behavior. Examples of these include participating in […]
How Do You Wish to Be Remembered?
The wind was chilly and the rain brisk as we stood on the hilltop with view that stretched for miles. Ellyn and I were attending the funeral of the father of a good friend of ours. I had only briefly met the father, but the memories shared about his life made me wish I had […]
For a Surprising Valentine’s Gift Take This Quiz
Valentine’s Day practically forces most couples to focus on their relationship. But in fact it’s not a bad thing to remind.each other of your appreciation and affection for one another. So take a moment to offer flowers, candy, dinner, gift or card for your partner. Giving your time, energy, and thoughtfulness can be like watering […]
Identify Two Common Inhibitors to Progress in Couples Therapy
This month, we thought we’d address the problem of being “lost and wandering” in the middle stage of couples therapy. This can be tough because the couple may not tell you directly. You may not want to admit it to yourself. Or, if you admit it, it may take you time to figure out how […]
Beyond Plateaus
Quick Questions to Help Increase Momentum When Couples Therapy is Bogged Down Therapists often tell us that they’re quite skilled at getting started with a couple, but they eventually arrive at a point where it seems like the couple is making little or no progress. They’d like to develop some momentum in couples therapy. This […]
Confessions of a Marriage Counselor
I have a confession to make. I want to be accepted for who I am. I hear this lament from so many couples, it’s universal. I bet you’ve even had the same thought yourself. Our culture teaches, “I’m okay, you’re okay,” unconditional love, and win-wins for all. So what’s the problem? I know it well. […]
Better Communication Now
Transferring Initiator-Inquirer Skills Learned in Therapy Sessions to Home We love getting questions and comments from our readers. This month we will answer a wonderful question that came from Heather in San Diego about helping couples achieve better communication between sessions. Heather asked: “I am successful in getting couples to do the Initiator-Inquirer in sessions, […]
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