Regression and its Impact in Couples Therapy
Regressed partners in couples therapy often demand that either you or their partner focus on them. At times, attending to and even promoting regression can facilitate change. However, often it is counterproductive and reinforces patterns that keep the couple stuck. In this blog post we will briefly explore what is regression, three issues that tend […]
Reflections on Attachment and Differentiation
At this year’s Couples Conference in Boston, I participated in a panel discussion with Sue Johnson, one of the founders of Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT, on the role of attachment and differentiation-based interventions in couples therapy. This month I wanted to share with you some of my remarks and reflections on the outcome of […]
Couples’ Fights: What Is One Big Common Denominator?
Couples fight for many reasons. Yet, at the heart of most fights are violated expectations. There is a significant difference between expectations and desires and it is this difference that causes much painful struggling in couples relationships. Expectations have a “should” quality implied about them. For example, “My partner should do X. It’s just the […]
Couples Resources
This page, organized by the type of program, summarizes the various couples resources that are offered by The Couples Institute. These are in addition to couples therapy, which is described here. Couples Workshops Sign up to join Michelle Wangler Joy, M.A., MFT, for the next Couples Communication Workshop to learn skills to overcome stubborn relationship […]
Highlights from Psychology of Health, Immunity and Disease Conference
As 2011 draws to a close, I thought I’d share with you a few of the useful things I learned at the NICABM Conference on the Psychology of Health and Immunity. I enjoy this conference so much because it exposes me to so many interesting perspectives beyond the psychotherapy world. John Cacioppo John Cacioppo, a […]
Fear of Couples Therapy
Many therapists are drawn to doing psychotherapy in order to be helpers and also because we enjoy the closeness with our clients. Individual therapy can be calming and comfortable. It feels good and we often like the experience of providing support and unconditional positive regard to our clients. I don’t mean to imply that individual […]
Attachment and Differentiation in Directing Change
The beginning of each year is a time when I reflect on my own goals for the year and also stop and think about whether I have a clear direction with each of my clients. I frequently check in with each partner to see that we have agreement about their focus. Developing a strong direction […]
Challenging Choice Points for Using the Initiator-Inquirer Process
This article is specifically for you if you use the Initiator-Inquirer process in your work with couples. The Initiator-Inquirer helps partners repair emotional upset while increasing the differentiation in each partner. Often the therapist is confronted with challenging choice points about which partner to focus on, when it is impossible to work deeply with both […]
Caring For Yourself So You Can Care For Others
We live in a world of so much turmoil: September 11, Middle-East unrest and terrorism, nuclear worries, Katrina, Rita, and more. As therapists, we continually face clients dealing with their own challenges and their reactions to upheaval at home and beyond. For this month I had written a technical newsletter about some of the intricacies […]
How To Be a More Effective Couples Therapist
By Helping Yourself or Getting Help From Other Colleagues As another school year begins, I reflect on it as a time of beginnings and endings. For me, I have just lived through the joy, excitement and sadness of taking my daughter Molly to college. How exhilarating to see the sparkle in her eye as she […]
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