Differentiation in Couples Relationships

Recently I was interviewed by Diane Heller for her membership program. My topic was “Differentiation in Couples Relationships.” The hour-long interview covered many aspects of differentiation and why I am passionate about couples therapists really understanding the essence of differentiation. I share this with you because differentiation is what makes the difference between relationships that […]
Couples Conference 2017 A – Z: Dan Amen to Jeff Zeig

Each year I enjoy sharing a few key points from the presentations I was able to attend at The Couples Conference. This year the conference focused on challenging issues therapists face, with special focus on addictions, affairs and sexual boundaries. With daily keynotes and multiple workshops running simultaneously, it’s impossible to attend everything. And as […]
Managing First Sessions After an Affair

Treating couples in the aftermath of an affair is one of the most important challenges you will face. Other problems gradually weaken a relationship, but infidelity, once it is discovered, rips it apart abruptly and violently. So much is at stake. You have two partners who are hurting for very different reasons. They both want […]
The Value of Obsessing About an Affair

When two people get together, they date and spend time getting to know each other. For some, the “falling in love” is intense and the decision to become a couple is easy. For others, it is far more difficult as they thoughtfully consider differences in challenging areas such as religion, culture, social class, child-rearing, or […]
Confrontation Video: Challenging Hypocrisy

With certain presenting problems, it’s obvious that some confrontation will be required. For example, the denial associated with drugs, alcohol or gambling addiction will inevitably require confrontation from either you or the spouse. Also, the major lies and deceptions that happen with infidelity are often obvious in calling for confrontation. However, there are some more […]
Confrontation Transcript: Indecision After Infidelity

Moving along in our series on confrontation, I wanted to share a series of confrontations made by my husband, Dr. Peter Pearson, during a 90-minute session with a couple facing indecision after infidelity. Observe how his confrontations move from softer to more intense. Jeff and Julie came for their first session after being married for […]
Six Types of Confrontation and How the Cycle of Confrontation Unfolds

Confrontation skills did not come naturally to me. When I was growing up, if I had issues with my sister or my mother, my father sent me to my room saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” As a therapist, it took concerted effort for me to learn how to […]
Are You Smarter Than a Fox?

Have you heard of the Killdeer? No, it’s not a mammal, but an amazing bird from the sandpiper family. The Killdeer do not build much of a nest. They lay their eggs in a nest on rocky ground areas. This makes them especially vulnerable to predators like foxes. So, the very smart killdeer developed special […]
Couples Therapy Lessons From Tennis Camp

Recently I took a long weekend to go to The Tennis Congress with Pete. For a long time, I’d wanted to know how top-level tennis players think. So, off we went to Tucson, Arizona for 3 days of instruction, both on and off the courts. I loved the off-court instruction because the lessons were so […]
How to Restore Momentum When Clients Evade Your Questions

My recent series, Losing Control, Direction or Momentum in Couples Therapy, stimulated so many comments and notes of appreciation that I’ve been thinking even more about those situations – and what can be done about them. I started thinking about another common process that results in losing momentum. It’s when one partner blocks and evades […]