Being a couples therapist is easy. It’s like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire. You’re on fire. Everything is on fire.
You’ve got one partner leaning in like “PLEASE FIX US.”
The other sitting back with eyes rolled and arms crossed, daring you to try.
You can’t afford to terminate every couple like this. But you can’t afford to burn out, either.
You just want it to feel like they’re improving. Like you’re succeeding.
Instead, you’re running on instinct, hoping no one notices that there’s no progress. You’re exhausted from overfunctioning. Progress melts between sessions. Couples cancel. Or they keep rehashing The Fight About The Dishes That Isn’t Really About Dishes.
It’s not you.
It’s that you’re missing a crucial piece of the puzzle – a comprehensive model that provides a plan for every move.
Most therapists were taught to validate, reflect, and empathize with clients. Not assess, define, and use the context to lead their clients.
Which means you’ve been trying to do your job without a plan.
The Developmental Model: Getting Started with Couples Therapy and Relationship Change gives you a structure. A real one. With a roadmap, diagnostic tools, and actual examples of what leadership looks like in sessions.
You’ll stop reacting to whatever your clients throw at you that week and you’ll start leading actual change.
Change that sticks between sessions.
Change that keeps couples coming back – and gets them referring others.
This is how you stop running on intuition and fumes and start steering that bike (a bike that, by the way, is no longer on fire, because you have a plan).
Imagine being able to…
- Walk into session knowing exactly where to focus (and what’s okay to ignore!)
- Diagnose stuckness without pathologizing
- Lead sessions with clarity instead of overfunctioning
- Watch your couples resolve recurring fights – and know you got them there
- Feel competent, proud, and re-energized by work you thought you might give up on
What You Get (along with 11 CEs)!
Stop reacting, start seeing clearly
- The 5 developmental stages relationships move through
- How to identify where your couple is stuck (hint: it’s not “communication”)
- How to name the stage in session so your clients say, “that’s us!”
- Examples, roleplays, and a how-to guide for a first session that makes couples say, “I’m really glad we gave this a shot"
- 6 handouts that succinctly describe your couple’s stage, show you where to focus, and stoke motivation for the journey ahead.
- Advantage: This helps you assess relationships to create traction fast.
The diagnostic questionnaire that shows you where to go
- 21 questions to assess each partner’s perception of their issues, where each partner’s development breaks down, and what stage the relationship is in
- How to use the results to shape your treatment plan from day one
- How to introduce the questionnaire so you build trust and leadership.
- A diagnostic questionnaire for individuals. This helps you see a client’s contribution to the challenges they complain about, and “unfogs” the mirror so you know where to focus.
- Advantage: This lets you stop guessing and start building, without falling into the “fix-the-content” trap.
A first session that leads to concrete change
- See how to set the tone before couples even walk in the door. You’ll get examples of how to stop couples from rehearsing a monologue of grievances and how to make pre-session contact that shifts the direction of therapy before it starts.
- 3 essential questions that flip the focus from blame to self-reflection.
- See examples of how to name what’s under the anger (grief, fear, longing) without getting swallowed by intensity.
- Establish your role as a leader, not a referee. Learn the language that positions you as therapist, coach, and educator so your clients know what to expect, what you’ll do, and what’s expected of them.
- Discover the counterintuitive 4-session sequence that sets a solid foundation.
- Use the 7-point framework for an effective first session so you never have to guess.
- Advantage: This lets you begin treatment with, confidence, and clear direction – so your clients follow your lead.
Leading with self-focused, autonomous goals
- See Examples of explaining autonomous goals and how they are crucial long-term growth.
- Use pre-goal questions that soften reactivity and invite reflection.
- How to respond skillfully to blank stares, blame, or "I don't know"
- The 1 key question that interrupts the partner-fixation spiral
- Defining what makes a goal developmental: self-focused, observable, and connected to values
- How to shift from reactivity to intention without triggering defensiveness
- Advantage: Build real momentum by helping each partner step out of reactivity and take responsibility for who they want to become.
One Payment of $197
- 12 PDF Handouts for Clients
- Lifetime Access to the Material
- Live Monthly Live Practice Sessions
- Get Your Questions Answered by Training Assistants
- 11 CE's Offered for an additional $35 (Select on Checkout Page)
2-Payments of $99/mo
- 12 PDF Handouts for Clients
- Lifetime Access to the Material
- Live Monthly Live Practice Sessions
- Get Your Questions Answered by Training Assistants
- 11 CE's Offered for an additional $35 (Select on Checkout Page)
2nd payment will be charged in 30 days.
You might be thinking, “I already know parts of this.” Or, “But every couple is so different… will this really work?”
Here’s what we’ve seen: you will get the most out of this course if you want a framework that fits what’s happening in the room. You’ll still bring your intuition, your training, your insight. This just gives it structure.
She’s trained over 30,000 therapists worldwide, served on the Clinical Faculty at Stanford University for 7 years and led trainings at top clinical institutions. For four decades, Ellyn’s work has focused on how therapists can lead couples through intense conflict, developmental stuck points, and deep transformation without burning out.
You Get It All: Tools, Practice, and Transformation
11 hours of on-demand training (video + audio + transcripts)
Lifetime access
12 printable handouts for use in session
1 video to share with clients
Roleplays, demonstrations, and video examples of concrete language and first-session walkthroughs, and how to introduce these concepts to couples
Inside the course message boards, your questions are actively monitored by experienced Developmental Model trainers. They have spent years applying this exact approach with real couples.
This matters more than it might seem.
Because couples therapy doesn’t break down at the level of ideas. It breaks down at the level of action: how you explain something, when you introduce it, how you respond when partners blame, shut down, or withdraw. Guessing what to do can be exhausting. So we’ve taken all the guesswork out with unlimited access to Q&A.
In the message boards, you can:
- ask how to introduce a concept (or if it’s the right time to introduce one)
- get clarity if a couple confuses you
- see if you’re focusing on the right thing at the right time
- check your instincts before jumping in with a new intervention
This is where your confidence gets a booster shot, because someone seasoned is standing nearby. Our seasoned pros will help you determine if you’re on the right track, or what small adjustment you can make to head in the right direction.
That kind of support is rare outside of long, expensive training programs. Here, it’s simply part of the course because we want to do everything possible to set you up for success.
Tom Bruett
LMFT
LMFT
LMHC
Tom Bruett
LMFT
LMFT
LMHC
Many courses give you videos and theories, and wish you luck with the courage to integrate them into your sessions. And to do it well, right off the bat! But when you're under pressure with real clients, theory often falls short. And as ancient poet Archilochus said, “We don’t rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.”
That’s why we’ve included something we normally only offer inside our year-long Developmental Model program: LIVE practice sessions with coaching.
And for the first time, we’re opening these up for all of 2026. So this isn’t something you buy and forget about. It’s something you can return to as your work evolves.
We’ve identified the 4 skills that separate strong therapists from great therapists.
These aren’t “nice to have” ideas. These are anchors to come back to if sessions start to meander, the room gets out of control, or you feel yourself overfunctioning. Get these 4 down, and everything you already know has a strong direction.
The 4 Guided Practice Themes
1. Explaining the Developmental Stages to Couples
Learn how to orient couples to the work so they understand why they’re stuck without pathologizing or lecturing. This gives couples hope that change is possible.
2. Talking About Differentiation with Couples
Clear, usable language that helps couples understand growth without triggering defensiveness or collapse.
3. Using the Couples Questionnaire with Couples
Learn how to introduce, interpret, and use the questionnaire so you have total clarity on what to focus on.
4. Practicing Autonomous/Self-Focused Goals
This is the leadership move that stops you working harder than everyone else. It’s a “Jedi mind trick” to stop blame, partner-fixation, and your own exhaustion.
How the Practice Sessions Work
You’ll watch a trainer model how to introduce these concepts. learning. Then you’ll step into roleplay so you can practice your leadership muscle. You’ll get real-time feedback and coaching. And you’ll feel your knowledge become embodied wisdom.
Because you're practicing more than “what to say and how to say it.” You're learning to
- Establish your role
- Set the tone for productive sessions, and
- Redirect the finger-pointing and fight-rehashing.
More Access Than We’ve Ever Offered
Historically we’ve offered 2 guided practice sessions.
This year, you can join any or all of the 15 live drop-in opportunities this year as we rotate through the same 4 essential themes.
Once once, come to all, come when you need grounding, and skip when life is full! Because the themes don’t change, you won’t be missing out. You won’t have “more work” to catch up on, and you won’t “get behind.”
We’re here to support you as it fits your schedule and your needs.
There is almost no greater skill you can develop than helping your clients set self-focused goals and holding them to those goals.
You’ll learn what that motivates clients to do the work and – and keeps them in the work. And it starts here.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does this come with CEs?
After completing this course most healthcare professionals can earn 11 CE credits. Read course objectives and other CE details before enrolling.
What if I’m new to couples work?
That’s great! This is exactly where to start. Many therapists learn from trial and error, picking up techniques and hoping something sticks. Or learning from the moments that go wrong. This course gives you a clear orientation from the beginning so you don’t establish bad habits like overfunctioning or guessing what the problems are.
You’ll learn how to assess what’s actually happening between two people, how to explain it in a way couples understand, and how to structure sessions instead of flying by the seat of your pants. You won’t feel like a beginning because you won’t be working like one.
What if I’ve been doing this for a long time?
Then this is your reset.
Over time, many experienced therapists accumulate tools but lose a clear center of gravity. This course helps you reorganize what you already know into a framework that brings direction to the work.
Therapists tell us they get more clarity and a renewed sense of leadership, without having to reinvent themselves or abandon their style.
What if I don’t have time for a big course?
This isn’t a course you have to “keep up with.”
You get lifetime access, so you digest it as it fits your life.
More importantly, this course is designed to save time in your actual work. When you know what stage a couple is in and what to focus on, sessions stop meandering.
And you have guided practice sessions through the year if you want a live component to hold you accountable. And they’re optional, so no beating yourself up for “falling behind.”
When are the Guided Practice Sessions? Is there a replay?
Here are dates and times for the first 4 sessions:
Explaining the Developmental Stages to Couples: February 16, 12-1pm Pacific
Practicing Autonomous/Self-Focused Goals: March 13, 9-10am Pacific
Talking About Differentiation with Couples: April 6, 1-2pm Pacific
Using the Couples Questionnaire with Couples: April 24, 9-10am Pacific
While we aren't able to record the breakout sessions, the teaching part of these sessions are recorded. The schedule for the rest of the year will be released to all participants in February.
Will this help me get more clients?
We can’t guarantee this. But in our decades of experience, we’ve learned that when you can create real relationship change, clients stay. They refer their friends. And being confident in your work makes it a whole lot easier to market it.
How is this different from the other couples therapy trainings I’ve taken?
Most trainings give you theory and techniques. This one gives you structure.
Not just “what to say” – but how to think. How to assess. How to orient yourself and your clients so the work becomes directional, not cyclical.
This isn’t another buffet of interventions. It’s a clear sequence. with decision points, real examples, and a framework that lets you stop improvising and start leading.
This course shows you the foundation of the full Developmental Model™ – the same framework we teach in our year-long professional training, just distilled into the best 11 hours.
If you’ve ever wished you could try out the Developmental Model™ before diving in, this is the place to start.
Will this really help with the complex couples I see?
Let’s be blunt: frameworks aren’t magic. They don’t fix chaos. You do.
But without one, even the best therapist is flying blind. This model works because it clarifies the chaos. It shows you:
- what developmental stage your couple is in
- what goals will move them forward
- how to shift blame into self-responsibility
So no more guessing or pathologizing. Just a repeatable way to lead couples into real change.
What if I’m not a developmental therapist?
You don’t need to be.
You just need to want a better way to work with conflict, disconnection, and avoidance – without losing yourself in the process.
This course works whether you’re psychodynamic, EFT-informed, or trained in IFS, PACT, Gottman, or others.
Why? Because this structure organizes your clinical wisdom and gives it a direction. So instead of reacting to symptoms, you lead toward growth.
Is there a live component?
Yes – and it’s a major reason this course is different.
You won’t just watch demonstrations, you’ll practice them and get coached so you can try everything out before you ever say it to a couple for the first time.
This is the same experiential learning format we use in our full Developmental Model™ training – designed to help you turn knowledge into embodied confidence.
What’s your refund policy?
We believe in this course. But if you buy it and realize it’s not the right fit for your style, email us within 7 days and we’ll refund your money. No hard feelings, no hoops.
If you aren't structuring sessions around stages and goals, you’re probably spinning out of control.
…Especially with couples where there is trauma. Those couples derail. They pull you into the blame, the pain, the swirl of unmet needs and reactive explosions. If you don't hold the course, they won't. They couldn’t even if they tried.
Let’s be clear about one thing: the importance of your leadership role cannot be overemphasized. From the very beginning, if you lead with an orientation to self-focused, autonomous goals, you explain why, and you teach the difference between reactive change and intentional growth, you will be a cut above any therapist they have ever seen.
Whether you binge watch the course or take it in bite sized pieces, you’ll learn how to:
- Redirect chaos toward clarity by naming a goal that belongs to each partner, not the relationship
- Explain the purpose of autonomous goals and how they set the stage for long-term growth
- Use goal planning questions that soften reactivity and invite reflection
- Respond skillfully to blank stares, blame, or "I don't know"
- Ask one key question that interrupts the partner-fixation spiral
- Scaffold fragile moments when a client feels shame, collapse, or resistance
- define what makes a goal developmental: self-focused, observable, connected to values
- Shift from reactivity to intention without triggering defensiveness
- Link behavior change to meaning and identity, not just behavior management
- Use impact questions to deepen ownership and internal accountability
This lets you build real traction in therapy by helping each partner step out of reactivity and take responsibility for who they want to become.
You can take this course for under $200. That’s less than what you lose when one couple bails after two sessions because therapy “wasn’t helping.”
One retained couple covers your cost. One couple who refers three more? That’s the beginning of your returns.
But this is about more than filling your calendar and bank account.
It’s about walking into sessions with a sense of direction. Feeling proud of how you show up. Hearing clients say, “This finally feels different.”
Is There a Guarantee?
If you’ve ever been curious about our year-long Developmental Model™ training, this course is the best way to experience it. You’ll get the same roadmap. The same structure. The same practice-based format with live coaching. Think of this as your entry point — a concentrated dose of what we believe every couples therapist deserves to know. All for under $200.
We believe in this course. But if you buy it and realize it’s not the right fit for your style, email us within 7 days and we’ll refund your money. No hard feelings, no hoops.
This is the roadmap you wish grad school gave you. This is what makes you the therapist other therapists refer to. This is how you become the leader your clients are hoping for.