Discover the Four Types of Hypocrisy that Undermine Your Couples Therapy Sessions

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Hypocrisy in Couples Therapy

Hypocrisy is addressed so rarely in couples therapy training that you might not have given it much thought. Yet hypocrisies can undermine intimacy in your couples – and undermine your work at the same time.

Sign up to watch this 7-minute video on the four types of hypocrisy in couples therapy.

You will also receive my email series on "The Clinical Challenge of Hypocrisy.” You’ll learn to:

  • Recognize Hypocrisy
  • Skillfully Confront these Binds
  • Identify Hypocrisies about Money
  • Challenge Evasiveness and Minimal Accountability

You’ll also receive a transcript demonstrating the confrontation of bitter, nasty fighting.

Just enter your name and email address in the box to your right to watch the video and receive the email series.

Sign up now. I invite you to join the discussion section of the blogs as you absorb some of this new way of looking at relationship challenges, and I look forward to reading your comments.

In partnership for better couples therapy,


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Developmental Issues Underlying Hypocritical Binds

Many of the partners we see in couples work have early developmental issues that underlie the binds they create for each other. Four common developmental issues are:


1. Basic trust.

When basic trust is missing, partners fear they are not loveable. They become afraid when their lovers are absent or withdrawn and often create binds that demand their lovers prove them unconditionally loveable.


2. Problems with self-other differentiation.

These partners desire highly merged relationships and angrily or more subtly create binds to coerce their partners to comply.


3. Limited ability for self-soothing.

These partners often demand “mind reading,” stay agitated and make unflattering decisions about the other.


4. Difficulty with self-activation.

All partners who create hypocritical binds have difficulty in this area. The bind in fact includes a rationalization for them not to take action.


These four developmental issues also contribute to partners having difficulty knowing what they desire, activating positive energy to pursue desires, and raging at partners who seem to “get more of their desires realized.” What’s even worse is that these developmental issues fuel the creation of binds that inhibit the long-term growth and development of the relationship.

The tragedy, of course, is that both partners lose out on the promise that brought them together.

To get us into this topic more deeply, I’ve prepared a short video discussing 4 common types of hypocrisy, with examples of each. I hope you’ll sign up for it in the box above.