“What Do You Do When…?”

Free 5-part Workshop

This past week I demonstrated how to use the Developmental Model to tackle tough impasses you will likely encounter. I hope you found my demonstrations helpful whether you’re just getting started or are an experienced couples therapist.

Thanks for your interest in this powerful and transformative work.

On this page you’ll find the information from one day’s question, and if you scroll to the bottom you’ll find links to pages with all of the articles and webinar replays.

Access to your free workshop will be available until September 22 at 11:59pm Pacific Time.

What Do You Do When a Client Can’t Stop Obsessing About the Details of an Affair?

Often, after infidelity has been revealed, a betrayed partner will obsess about the details.

“How many times did it happen?”
“Who else knew?”
“Did you take them to any of our special spots?”
“Did you give them any gifts?”
“Did our children know?”

It might seem counterintuitive, but I actually find there to be some value in obsessing over the details.


If you weren't able to join us live, that’s exactly what I demonstrated on this webinar.

I showed you exactly what to do when you have a client who obsesses about details, and how to use that energy to make progress. I also showed you how to set the stage for a strong commitment to therapy and to honest revelation.

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If you enjoyed and learned something on this webinar, we would really appreciate it if you could leave your comments below.

13 responses to "Infidelity"

  1. Gloria above says:
    Gloria Siegel says:
    September 14, 2019 at 2:52 pm
    You are wonderful to do a free series. I have done the two levels
    And enjoy my work sooo much more.

  2. Hi Ellyn! Hi Pete! Hi Sue! It's been awhile and I miss you. I have mostly retired, yet I still work with one couple and I rely so much on everything I have learned from both of you over the years. You have made such a remarkable difference in how I think, how I discover how I feel, and how I intervene with couples. I love working with couples and they have also taught me a lot about my own relationship. I almost wish I were still working to participate in your training year. I'm sure it will be beyond fabulous! Many hugs,

  3. I would love to be considered for the years free full training as it is amazing – I am recovering from a knee replacement and this has helped my recovery by the deep healing that is possible with your couples therapy -thank you so much

  4. Thank you. Many good ideas gratefully received! I can't join you this year (I'm completing a diploma in ‘On-line' therapy, but I plan to join you next year. Excellent.

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