You’re a good therapist.
So why do you still feel powerless in the face of conflict?
Welcome to Conflict Groundhog Day…
You look at the clock. Twelve minutes left. And too much damage to repair. Too little progress to feel good. And no clear path forward.
This couple has been in your office for weeks, but they haven’t moved an inch. Emotionally. Behaviorally. They’re still blaming and digging in. Insisting that their partner is the problem.
You’ve studied the models. You know the tools. But when couples get stuck in looping fights, none of it seems to land. And somewhere along the way, you stopped trusting that anything could shift this dynamic.
You’re no longer the guide. You’re the referee. And no one’s listening to the whistle.
This isn’t therapy anymore. It’s damage control.
You didn’t become a therapist to sit in circular fights.
You became one to help people change, heal, and grow. To bring relief where there’s only reactivity.
But when couples are dysregulated, they can’t think clearly. They can’t problem-solve. And they’re certainly not empathetic. Protecting themselves is the most important job in the world and they’ll do it at all costs.
That’s why you can’t get them to budge with insight. Explaining attachment theory won’t get you far. Creating agreements may stop the bleeding but it won’t lead to long-term change.
Because when a couple is at a 9/10 on the emotional thermometer, they can’t handle more information.
The Real Problem Isn’t Communication.
It’s Conflict. And How we Teach it.
Most couples don’t struggle to communicate. They communicate plenty. Through sarcasm, silence, blame, shutdown, escalation.
You’re watching choreographed yelling. A familiar performance where both partners know the cues, the roles, the climax, and the collapse.
And you’re the exhausted audience, watching Act 1 play out for the 27th time, knowing exactly how it ends and wishing you could change the script.
The issue isn’t their willingness. It’s a complete lack of shared language for recognizing or shifting the cycle.
The irony is, if you try and tackle it head on with psychoeducation or facilitating “I-messages,” they’ll still leave sessions feeling:
Blamed
Misunderstood
Discouraged
And no closer
to resolution
You leave sessions…
- Feeling ineffective or frustrated
- Dreading the next appointment before it even begins
- Questioning whether you’re helping or just barely refereeing the dysfunction
- Wondering if you’ll always be stuck watching a loop you can’t interrupt
Even the strongest therapists start to doubt themselves here.
A Visual Metaphor That Helps Clients See Their Part in Conflict, Without the Loop of Doom
You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through another high conflict session.
Introducing The Door Between Us
A ready-to-use framework for shifting conflict in couples therapy. It’s a tool you can use in a session, and a tool couples can use in between sessions.
This masterclass skips the lecture and goes right to the nervous system.
- How to get a conflict-avoidant couple to talk without sending them into shutdown or blame.
- How to rewire a client’s beliefs about conflict using metaphor, not confrontation.
- How to soften the tension in the room (without softening your stance as a therapist).
- What can go wrong if you push for empathy before regulation.
- Once you've got this tool, sometimes the best intervention is pressing play.
This isn’t about watering things down. It’s about helping clients see themselves without shame, and helping you get your authority back.
Meet Lara Hammock, LCSW, creator of The Door Between Us.
Lara knows what it’s like to sit across from a couple stuck in the same loop for the seventh session in a row. Before founding her private practice in the suburbs of Washington, DC, Lara had a career in product management, which means she’s always been a systems thinker. But it wasn’t until her second career in therapy that she realized: emotional systems are the hardest to untangle.
Over the past several years, Lara has trained extensively in the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy through the Couples Institute, while also specializing in anxiety, trauma, ADHD, and nervous system regulation. She integrates EMDR, inner child work, two-chair methods, tapping, and guided visualization into her sessions. She has the tools to meet clients where words stop working.
The Door Between Us was born in the therapy room and proven again and again to help even the most emotionally avoidant or dysregulated clients understand themselves (and each other) without shame. Now, it’s helped hundreds of couples find traction right where it matters most: in session. And now she wants to share it with you.
Here’s What This Tool Helps
You Do in Minutes, Not Months
Give clients a language that’s emotionally safe and actionable.
Build emotional insight in even the most resistant or reactive partners.
Increase accountability without increasing tension.
Use the single most effective metaphor for helping couples take accountability without shame.
Introduce the “emotional thermometer” that helps clients regulate before conflict escalates.
Start a conflict conversation without triggering shutdown.
Reframe the entire conflict landscape in 6 minutes.
You’ll Walk Away With…
A 30-minute client-ready video, explaining the metaphor and conflict roles
Editable powerpoint slides you can use as-is, or adapt to deliver the presentation in your own style
Downloadable cheat sheets that help you translate the metaphor into interventions
This is not a course. Not a certification. And not a major time commitment. It's a tool.
One you can use in your next session.
The Door Between Us: How to Guide Couples Through Conflict
July 28, 9-10:30am Pacific | Comes with replay
Why It Works (When Nothing Else Does)
Metaphor interrupts the performance. It invites partners to step off the stage and see what they’ve been acting out. That moment of distance is where change begins.
This style of teaching conflict works because it bypasses the part of the brain that feels cornered. It creates distance without dissociation and invites self-awareness without accusation.
When couples learn to see conflict through this lens, even highly defended, conflict-avoidant, or emotionally volatile clients stay engaged. Or if they go silent? It’s not disengagement, it’s the stunned realization of seeing a pattern more clearly than they’ve ever seen it before.
For Couples…
- Defenses lower.
- Partners look at each other – and themselves – differently.
- The moments they felt stuck now become points of connection.
- They know that you get them and they're glad to be working with you.
For You…
- You get your traction back. You get to feel effective again.
- You can jump back into using your own proven skills and tools once everyone is operating from this shared understanding.
- If there’s escalation, simply name the conflict style, get everyone back on the same page, and move forward in a clear way.
You Don’t Have to Change Your Model
This tool doesn’t replace what you already use, it enhances it.
The Stakes Are High, for Couples and You
Because when your couple has a shared language for conflict, all the other work becomes possible.
When couples can’t shift conflict, they can’t:
- Balance power
- Repair ruptures
- Deepen intimacy
- Or do long-term change work
And if you can’t help them shift it?
- Your schedule fills with clients you dread seeing.
- Word-of-mouth slows. Progress plateaus.
- You start losing energy, momentum, and motivation.
- And deep down, you wonder: If I can’t help couples shift conflict…what am I doing here?
But when you can get a foothold in conflict, even in the first or second session? Everything shifts.
Start Using It This Week
Just press play, and let the video do the heavy lifting.
Because when survival mode takes over, logic fails. But this tool doesn’t
Buy it once. Use it forever. Watch your toughest sessions move forward in minutes
The Door Between Us:
How to Guide Couples Through Conflict
July 28, 9-10:30am Pacific | Comes with replay
Are we offering a guarantee?
We believe in this tool. But if you buy it and realize it’s not the right fit for your style, email us within 7 days and we’ll make it right. No hard feelings, no hoops.
Frequently Asked Questions
I already have tools to work with conflict.
That’s great! This tool isn’t here to replace what’s working. It’s here to add a metaphor that clicks with clients in a different way. Sometimes clients need to hear the same message from five different angles before it lands. This approach uses visual language, metaphor, and simplicity to sidestep resistance and create real-time “aha” moments. Even seasoned therapists say this gave them a new, refreshing entry point into tough conversations.
I don’t have time for another training.
You don’t need to attend a training. If you’re that short on time, you could buy this just for the handouts and video, and then sit back and press play. Let the included video do the work for you – in your very next session.
What if I don’t see many couples?
Just last week, Lara presented this to one of her individual clients who is working through an infidelity by her spouse. She was able to identify both of their ineffective conflict styles, which helped her figure out how to shift to a more positive style herself. This tool is incredibly useful to give individual clients language for what’s been confusing or painful for years.
My clients shut down or get overwhelmed when I try to talk about conflict.
That’s exactly what this tool was designed for. Conflict avoidant couples often can’t engage with direct confrontation. But they can watch a visual metaphor and reflect on it. It softens the conversation, removes the sting of blame, and invites them to explore their behavior without shame. For many therapists, it’s the first time they’ve been able to talk about conflict without triggering a shutdown response.
I’m not comfortable using someone else’s slides or presentation.
You don’t have to. You’ll get multiple options for using this tool…
Use Lara’s version with her voiceoverMute it and narrate yourselfOr print out the handouts and talk through it without a screenThis is a flexible resource. You don’t need to change your style. You just get a fresh framework that’s easy to make your own.
I don’t want to pay for something I could just figure out with ChatGPT or a book.
This isn’t just knowledge. It's a tool that has been stress-tested in real sessions, across dozens of couples. It works because it’s simple, memorable, and emotionally digestible. It’s not theory. It’s not another concept to cram. It’s a tool you use with your clients, in session, to move the work forward faster. No book or ChatGPT will give you this video or these handouts.
I use EFT / Gottman / IFS. Will this clash with my model?
Not at all. This lives alongside your model, not in competition with it. You won’t be asked to change your approach. You’re being handed a language your clients can latch onto. It’s like adding a handle to the work, so your clients can pick it up and do something with it.
Conflict is just a symptom. Shouldn’t we be going deeper?
Absolutely. And this easy to understand framework for conflict helps you get there. Rather than focusing on the topic of the fight, this tool zooms out to look at the behavioral patterns underneath. You can guide clients into deeper insight without starting with trauma or overexposure. In fact, it often creates the safety needed to go deeper later.
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