When Partners
Hold Each Other Hostage
How to Turn Resentment, Demands for Apologies, and Emotional Gridlock into Breakthroughs
In this two part live webinar series, Dr. Ellyn Bader consults, teaches, and roleplays two cases that will change how you work with emotional gridlock.
Part 1:
The Apology That Never Comes (June 26, 11am Pacific)
The fortress is built on years of accumulated hurt. One partner has “said it a million times.” The other is stonewalled behind walls so thick even he doesn't know what's behind them.
Couples like this are exhausting not because they fight.
They're exhausting because the fight never goes anywhere.
Part 2:
The Wedding That Could Be Called Off (June 29, 11am Pacific)
He wanted to marry her. Then he found out his father had been living a lie and it shattered his belief in marriage. And even though the invitations had been sent out, he suddenly wasn’t sure he wanted to marry her anymore. She was devastated.
Ellyn works with this couple teetering on the edge of cancelling their wedding. You’ll see a “forensic” examination of this session, a frame by frame analysis that examines every intervention, every strategic word, every moment that scaffolded the work.
Registration comes with Zoom link, handouts, and time-limited replay.
You’ll see moments that spark genuine change in what looks like pure dysfunction.
In this one-time-only series, you’ll discover:
What a demand for an apology is actually asking for (it's not what you think)
The difference between a client hiding from their partner and a client hiding from their own desires
The most powerful thing a partner can say to the person they've been hurting — and how to help your client find it themselves, rather than handing it to them
How to bring transparency to moments where you're asking clients to be accountable, so their defenses don't shoot up
How to slow everything way down, and why that moves couples forward faster
How to hold two partners' very different developmental needs at the same time without losing either of them
What unites both cases:
The couples look different on the surface. But underneath, they're the same: two people stuck in emotional gridlock with no capacity to recover on their own. This series reveals an expert look at differentiation — not soothing differences away, but helping each partner become more themselves.
Reserve Your Spot Now
These are live webinars on June 26 and 29 from 11am-12:30pm Pacific.
Replays are available only with registration.
About Dr. Ellyn Bader
Psychotherapist, Co-Founder of The Couples Institute®
and Co-Creator of The Developmental Model™ of Couples Therapy.
Dr. Ellyn Bader is one of the early founders of couples therapy, and a recognized thought leader and trailblazer in relationship therapy worldwide.
Through her informal research and thousands of sessions, Ellyn co-created The Developmental Model™, a revolutionary approach that is highly adaptable to the complex needs of two people growing, changing, and staying connected in a relationship. The model has deeply influenced the therapeutic world and is currently used in over 76 countries. It is taught by many graduate programs using her award-winning textbook In Quest of the Mythical Mate, which has been reprinted over 22 times and will be released as a classic edition later this year.
Ellyn co-founded The Couples Institute® (1984) and co-authored Tell Me No Lies (2001) with her husband Dr. Peter Pearson. The two have been trusted resources for TV, radio, podcast and print publications, appearing on Nightline, CBS This Morning, Today Show, Good Morning America, O Magazine, Cosmopolitan, several NPR programs, and over 70 others.
Here's what therapists say
about learning from Ellyn:
M.ED., Tennessee"This has been one of the most helpful training experiences that I have had in many years. My couples work has dramatically changed and this week I took note of that fact when I realized that I have begun to introduce the Developmental Model to almost every client in my caseload."
BA, RPC, CCPCPR, Vancouver"The Developmental Model has been life-changing for me. It has changed how I work professionally, also how I show up in my personal life, and I love it. I have used many of the interventions in individual sessions, and I feel so much more able to help clients with their relationships."
MA, LMHC, Washington"Ellyn has given me a sense of the arc of therapy, something I have been looking for in other modalities I have studied, but not found."
California, Ph.D.“I am a psychologist with 40 years of experience, specializing in anger management and couples work, yet I learned many new concepts and now see couples and their issues differently (more clearly) than before. Your practical exercises and client handouts help make your concepts ‘real,’ practical and useful.”
LCSW-R, New York“Your work has given me so much more confidence to be bold in the office and these methods have made my clients progress leaps and bounds compared to before I learned them. My work with couples is much more enjoyable because it is effective at resolving the tension."