In my last blog post, I gave a list of practical suggestions to support your work with hostile angry couples. To end my series on working with hostile angry couples, I offer you a transcript that demonstrates the last two principles that were on that list.
These were my last two suggestions on that list:
- Be honest and straightforward about what you see. When you are well-defined yourself, you are able to occupy a position of strength. You can expect your couple to step forward and be more honest and authentic. You can acknowledge that this is not easy but that you believe in their capacity to achieve it. Emphasize that they each have a role to play in being able to handle honesty and vulnerability.
- Describe the process and at least one substantial change required by each of them.
- Not taking charge
- Being passive and not intrusive enough
- Not cutting a partner off quickly enough when they project or make negative assumptions
- Failing to stick with containing interventions
- Make clear that you are in charge in the room
- Build containment in the room as early as possible and refuse to go in directions that permit angry escalation
- Create enough discomfort for each partner to recognize that they need to be accountable rather than just spewing anger and hostility
- Get a clear focus on each partner’s goals
- Uncover vulnerability
hi Ellyn
Your series was so helpful! This transcript points out some clear steps to respond to hostility, create containment and hold each partner accountable.
Thank you!
Jane
Thanks for the suggestions given in the post. One feels hesitant to take a directive approach at times. This post has helped remove such apprehensions.
Ellen, I appreciate this step by step can I share this withour group andf also change the names.
We would like to write this in a booklet to study more. There are so many hurint copules.
Thank you.
You can use this to train therapists as long as you keep my name and copyright the couples institute on all copies always. Sadly, we have had quite a few therapists abuse our generosity and claim our work as their own. Thanks for asking.
My goal is always to support dedicated therapists getting better!
HI Ellyn,
Thanks so much for this series. The information is right on target! I’m anticipating a tough session with a hostile couple this week, and the guidelines about remembering my role are so helpful.
whos Ellyn
what is she related to them?