Being a couples therapist is easy. It’s like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire. You’re on fire. Everything is on fire.
You’ve got one partner looking at you, like “PLEASE FIX US.”
The other is sitting back with eyes rolled and arms crossed, daring you to try.
You can’t afford to terminate every couple like this. But you can’t afford to burn out, either.
You just want to feel like they’re improving. Like you’re succeeding.
Instead, you’re exhausted from overfunctioning. Progress melts between sessions. Couples cancel. Or they keep rehashing The Fight About The Dishes That Isn’t Really About Dishes.
Most therapists were taught to validate, reflect, and empathize with clients. Not assess, define, and use the context to lead their clients.
So when your training lets you down, the familiar voice creeps in that says, “That session sucked. I should’ve known what to do. Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”
You are cut out for this. You’ve just been trying to do your job without a plan.
When we ask therapists what they most wish they were better at, the same answer comes back again and again: I want to be better at managing myself first, then them. I want to hold my center, not get pulled in, and stay calm enough to think out my next move.
That’s the skill at the heart of this course.
The Developmental ModelTM: Getting Started with Couples Therapy and Relationship Change gives you a real structure. A roadmap, diagnostic tools, and actual examples of what leadership looks like in sessions.
You’ll develop the eye to spot the real problems, and the internal skills to stop reacting to what your clients throw at you. This is the formula for igniting change. For creating progress that keeps couples coming back – and referring you to others.
Change that keeps couples coming back – and gets them referring others.
This is how you stop running on intuition and fumes and start steering that bike (a bike that, by the way, is no longer on fire, because you have a plan).
Imagine being able to…
- Walk into session knowing exactly where to focus and what’s safe to ignore
- Diagnose stuckness without pathologizing
- Lead with clarity instead of overfunctioning
- Watch your couples resolve recurring fights – and know you got them there
- Feel competent, proud, and re-energized by your work
The 4 Skills of a Strong Therapist
These are the rudders that keep you on course when a session goes sideways or you catch yourself overfunctioning.
1. Explaining the Developmental Stages to Couples
Orient couples to the work so they understand why they’re stuck. No pathologizing or lecturing. This gives couples hope that change is possible.
2. Talking About Differentiation
Clear, usable language that helps couples grow without triggering defensiveness or collapse.
3. Using the Couples Questionnaire
You’ll learn how to introduce, interpret, and use the questionnaire so you have total clarity on where to focus.
4. Practicing Autonomous/Self-Focused Goals
This is the leadership move that stops you from working harder than your clients. It’s a “Jedi mind trick” to stop blame, partner-fixation, and your own exhaustion.
Nancy St. John
Couples Counsellor Ireland
Janae Munday
LCSW
Tom Bruett
LMFT
Nancy St. John
Couples Counsellor Ireland
Janae Munday
LCSW
Tom Bruett
LMFT
Kelly Scharver
LMFT
Katherine Waddell
LMFT
Nancy St. John
Couples Counsellor Ireland
Kelly Scharver
LMFT
We've included something we normally offer only inside our year-long Developmental ModelTM program: LIVE practice sessions. With real coaching.
- It’s how to establish your role.
- How to set the tone for productive sessions.
- How to redirect the finger-pointing and fight-rehashing.
Here are the upcoming call topics and times:
- Talking About Differentiation with Couples (November 23, 8-9am Pacific)
- Using the Couples Questionnaire with Couples (December 14, 12-1pm Pacific)
- Setting Autonomous/Self-Focused Goals (January 11, 12-1pm Pacific)
Join The Developmental ModelTM:
Getting Started with Couples Therapy and Relationship Change
What’s Included in the Self-Paced
Material (along with 11 CEs)
Stop reacting, start seeing clearly
- The 5 developmental stages relationships move through
- How to identify where your couple is stuck (hint: it’s not “communication”)
- How to name the stage in session so your clients say, “that’s us!”
- Examples, roleplays, and a how-to guide for a first session that makes couples say, “I’m really glad we’re giving this a shot"
- 6 handouts that describe your couple’s stage, show you where to focus, and stoke motivation for the journey ahead.
- Advantage: This helps you assess relationships and create traction fast.
The diagnostic questionnaire that shows you where to go
- 21 questions to assess each partner’s perception of the issues and where each partner’s development breaks down
- How to use the results to shape your treatment plan whether it’s a new couple or one you’ve had for a while
- How to introduce the questionnaire so you build trust and leadership
- A diagnostic questionnaire for individuals so you can see a client’s contribution to their relationship complaints, and “unfogs” the mirror so you know where to focus
- Advantage: This is how you avoid falling into the “fix-the-content” trap.
A first session that leads to concrete change
- See how to set the tone before couples even walk in the door
- How to stop couples from rehashing a monologue of grievances
- 3 essential questions that flip the focus from blame to self-reflection
- How to name what’s under the anger (grief, fear, longing) without getting swallowed by intensity
- Establish your role as a leader, not a referee. Learn the language that positions you as therapist, coach, and educator so your clients know what to expect, what you’ll do, and what’s expected of them
- The counterintuitive 4-session sequence for a solid foundation
- A 7-point framework for an effective first session so you never have to guess
- Advantage: This lets you begin treatment with confidence, and clear direction – so your clients follow your lead.
Leading with self-focused, autonomous goals
- Examples of autonomous goals and why they’re crucial for long-term growth
- Pre-goal questions that soften reactivity and invite reflection
- How to respond to blank stares, blame, or "I don't know"
- The 1 key question that interrupts the partner-fixation spiral
- How to define a developmental goal: self-focused, observable, and connected to values
- How to help each partner step out of reactivity and take
- Advantage: Build real momentum by helping each partner step out of reactivity and take responsibility for who they want to become.
One Payment of $197
- 12 PDF Handouts for Clients
- Lifetime Access to the Material
- 3 Live Practice Sessions
- Get Your Questions Answered by Training Assistants
- 11 CE’s Offered for an additional $35 (Select on Checkout Page)
2-Payments of $99/mo
- 12 PDF Handouts for Clients
- Lifetime Access to the Material
- 3 Live Practice Sessions
- Get Your Questions Answered by Training Assistants
- 11 CE’s Offered for an additional $35 (Select on Checkout Page)
2nd payment will be charged in 30 days.
Every couple is so different… Will this really work?
On the message boards, your questions are monitored by experienced Developmental ModelTM trainers who’ve spent years applying this exact approach with real couples.
This matters more than it seems. Therapy doesn’t break down at the level of ideas. It breaks down at the level of implementation: how you explain something, when you introduce it, how you respond when a partner blames, shuts down, or withdraws.
We’ve taken the guesswork out with unlimited Q&A. Ask how to introduce a concept, check your instincts before trying a new intervention, or get clarity when a couple confuses you. That kind of support is rare outside long, expensive programs. Here it’s simply part of the course.
She’s trained over 3,500 therapists in 82 countries worldwide, served on the Clinical Faculty at Stanford University for 7 years and led trainings at top clinical institutions. For four decades, Ellyn’s work has focused on how therapists can lead couples through intense conflict, developmental stuck points, and deep transformation without burning out.
This course distills her most important foundational tools so you can start strong and lead clearly from session one.
You Get All This:
11 hours of on-demand training (video + audio + transcripts)
Lifetime access
12 printable handouts for use in session
1 video to share with clients
Roleplays, demonstrations, first session walkthroughs
All 3 remaining guided practice calls when you join now
Frequently Asked Questions
Does this come with CEs?
Yes, most professionals receive 11 CEs. Learn more about CEs here.
What if I mostly see individuals?
This is ideal if you work with individuals who consistently complain about their relationship and you’re looking for a new approach. Do you want to create meaningful change with just one partner in the room? You’ll learn to help clients identify what stage their relationship is in and what that means for their own growth. Then you’ll learn to help clients set self-focused goals so they can truly play a part in their relationship changing, even without their partner in therapy.
What if I’m new to couples work?
That’s great! This is exactly where to start. Many therapists learn from trial and error, picking up techniques and hoping something sticks. Or learning from the moments that go wrong. This course gives you a clear orientation from the beginning so you don’t establish bad habits like overfunctioning or guessing what the problems are.
You’ll learn how to assess what’s actually happening between two people, how to explain it in a way couples understand, and how to structure sessions instead of flying by the seat of your pants. You won’t feel like a beginner because you won’t be working like one.
What if I’ve been doing this for a long time?
Then this is your reset.
Over time, many experienced therapists accumulate tools but lose a clear center of gravity. This course helps you reorganize what you already know into a framework that brings direction to the work.
Therapists tell us they get more clarity and a renewed sense of leadership, without having to reinvent themselves or abandon their style.
What if I don’t have time for a big course?
This isn’t a course you have to “keep up with.”
You get lifetime access, so you digest it as it fits your life.
More importantly, this course is designed to save time in your actual work. When you know what stage a couple is in and what to focus on, sessions stop meandering.
You also have guided practice sessions through the year if you want a live component to hold you accountable. And they’re optional, so no beating yourself up for “falling behind.”
When are the Guided Practice Sessions? Is there a replay?
Here are dates and times for the next three sessions:
- Talking About Differentiation with Couples (November 23, 8–9am Pacific)
- Using the Couples Questionnaire with Couples (December 14, 12-1pm Pacific)
- Setting Autonomous/Self-Focused Goals (January 11, 12-1pm Pacific)
We aren’t able to record the breakout sessions, but all teaching sessions are recorded and you will receive a replay.
Will this help me get more clients?
We can’t guarantee this. But in our decades of experience, we’ve learned that when you can create real relationship change, clients stay. They refer their friends. And being confident in your work makes it a whole lot easier to market it.
How is this different from the other couples therapy trainings I’ve taken?
Most trainings give you theory and techniques. This one gives you structure and practice.
Not just “what to say” – but how to think. How to assess. How to orient yourself and your clients so the work becomes directional, not cyclical.
This isn’t another buffet of interventions. It’s a clear sequence with decision points, real examples, and a framework that lets you stop improvising and start leading.
This course shows you the foundation of the full Developmental Model™ – the same framework we teach in our year-long professional training, just distilled into the best 11 hours.
If you’ve ever wished you could try out the Developmental Model™ before diving in, this is the place to start.
Will this really help with the complex couples I see?
Let’s be blunt: frameworks aren’t magic. They don’t fix chaos. You do.
But without a framework, even the best therapist is flying blind. This model works because it clarifies the chaos. It shows you:
- what developmental stage your couple is in
- what goals will move them forward
- how to shift blame into self-responsibility
So no more guessing or pathologizing. Just a repeatable way to lead couples into real change.
Is this compatible with IFS, RLT, Gottman, PACT, EFT, or other modalities?
Yes. This structure organizes your clinical wisdom and gives it direction. So instead of reacting to symptoms, you lead toward growth.
Is there a live component?
Yes – and it’s a major distinction of this course.
You won’t just watch demonstrations, you’ll practice them and get coached so you can try everything out before you ever say it to a couple for the first time.
This is the same experiential learning format we use in our full Developmental Model™ training – designed to help you turn knowledge into embodied confidence.
What’s your refund policy?
We believe in this course. If you buy it and realize it’s not the right fit for your style, email us within 7 days and we’ll refund your money. No hard feelings, no hoops.
Especially with couples where there is trauma. Those couples derail. They pull you into the blame, the pain, the swirl of unmet needs and reactive explosions. If you don’t hold the structure, they won’t. They couldn’t even if they tried.
Let’s be clear about one thing: the importance of your leadership role cannot be overemphasized. From the very beginning, if you lead with an orientation to self-focused, autonomous goals, you explain why, and you teach the difference between reactive change and intentional growth, you will be a cut above any therapist they have ever seen.
You can take this course for under $200. That’s less than what you lose when one couple bails after two sessions because therapy “wasn’t helping.”
One retained couple covers your cost. One couple who refers others? That’s the beginning of your returns.
But this is about more than filling your calendar and bank account.
It’s about walking into sessions with having a sense of direction. Feeling proud of how you show up. Hearing clients say, “This finally feels different.”
If you’ve been curious about our year-long Developmental Model™ training, this course is the best way to experience it. You’ll get the same roadmap. The same structure. The same practice-based format with live coaching. Think of this as your entry point — a concentrated dose of what we believe every couples therapist deserves to know. All for under $200.
We believe in this course. But if you buy it and realize it’s not the right fit for your style, email us within 7 days and we’ll refund your money. No hard feelings, no hoops.
This is the roadmap you wish grad school gave you. This is what makes you the therapist other therapists refer to. This is how you become the leader your clients are hoping for.