Couples are often uncertain what to expect from the process of couples therapy. They are not sure of what to expect of the therapist or even if the therapist has any expectations of them. I have found most couples approach therapy with the notion that each person will describe their distress and somehow the therapist will assist them to create a happier, more functional, relationship. They expect to learn some new or better skills. However, most people hope their partner will do most of the learning in problem areas. After 30 years of clinical experience and specializing in working with thousands of couples, I have arrived at some guidelines that can make our work more effective. First, I do have some expectations of you. I am not neutral. I have evolved principles and concepts that I believe give us the greatest chance for success.
Lies and InfidelityHow to Get the Most From Your Couples TherapyWhy We Lie, and How to Get Back to the Truth![]() He could have told a lie, but he didn’t.![]() The affair, the discovery, the betrayer’s first task…![]() Has your spouse cheated on you?![]() How to Tell the Truth, Part 2
Last month we presented the first six steps to telling the truth with your partner, even when it's on a difficult or touchy subject. To review the article, where the steps are described in more detail, click here
1. Make the decision to be truthful.
2. Decide what you want to happen.
3. Explore your own avoidance.
4. Set a time and a place.
5. Don't be passive aggressive.
6. Plan what you will say or do.
This month we'll pick up where we left off. Tina's been preparing to bring up the difficult subject of faking orgasms with her husband Tom. It's finally time to start the conversation she's been thinking about.… Read more...
Six Steps to Telling the Truth
It's understandable that couples are wary about bringing up sensitive topics. The avoidance of pain and distress are major motivators to go into hiding. But too much avoidance or passive behavior can lead to marital corrosion. So how can this difficult problem be managed? Because of the extra length, this month's column is divided into two parts with the second part finishing next month.
We will follow Tina and Tom through their truth-telling process. They met as students at a large Midwestern university and married soon after graduation. They both come from religious, church-going families.… Read more...
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