"Practice Development Dispatch" Newsletter Collection
New Training Opportunity with Ellyn Bader
By Ellyn Bader, Ph.D
May 1, 2007, 14:26

Dear Therapist,

Are you yearning for greater satisfaction, more confidence, or
new opportunities in your work? Earlier this year, I mentioned
offering a telephone training program for therapists who live
too far away to attend our local groups. Many of you responded
with enthusiasm.

I’ve decided to start this program in September. It will be a
comprehensive training program on the telephone and internet. I
have been thinking about different ways of conducting the group
and would love the opportunity to discuss them with you, if you
are interested in participating.

Why Am I Doing This?

First, and above all else, I love teaching and training
therapists. I have been conducting couples therapy training
groups for the past 20 years. It is incredibly satisfying to see
therapists learning the techniques and information Pete and I
have developed during our years of practice. It is inspiring to
know you can take these into your own practice, helping more
couples and improving your effectiveness and success at the same
time.

I am passionate about this work and frustrated by the number of
premature divorces.

Some Recent Events Inspired Me to Extend My Teaching.

The most immediate catalyst was two phone calls I received in a
relatively short time period. Both were from inexperienced
couples therapists who had been hired by seminar companies to
teach couples therapy. These companies are sending inexperienced
teachers to locations throughout the United States and Canada
that are off the “big city” circuit. In one case the instructor
was a charismatic speaker who had only seen about six couples.

When I inquired into the knowledge base of these presenters, I
was appalled to learn that they were unfamiliar with attachment
or differentiation theory and planned to teach mainly from
reference materials without much clinical experience to back up
their teaching.

This is an insult to you and our profession.

The second catalyst was my long standing dismay that many
graduate psychology and MFT programs pretend to turn out
marital/couples therapists-and the significant word here is
“pretend.” How is it possible that two classes in marital
therapy can prepare a therapist to work successfully with
couples?

This is another insult to our profession.

I reflected on what it takes to be a superb couple’s therapist.
Here are just some of the things that came to mind:

Knowledge of Systemic Interaction

Understanding and identifying couples’ Developmental Stages

Ability to diagnose couples’developmental blocks

Attachment Theory Differentiation Theory

Emotional regulation

Psychiatric Diagnoses

Medication Addiction

Managing affairs, lies and deception

Domestic violence

Identifying and resolving intrapsychic impasses in the couples
context

Vision setting

Parenting

Special concerns of gay and lesbian couples

Understanding narcissism

Intervening in power struggles

Passive-aggressive behavior

Neuroscience

Financial stresses and money issues

Division of household labor

And this list addresses only the theoretical issues. It does not
even describe the skill set necessary to work effectively with
couples. It doesn’t include developing confrontation skills or
using the therapist’s countertransference. Our group will cover
both theoretical and practical aspects of couples therapy.

Reasons Why Many Couples Therapists Struggle

Being successful as a couple’s therapist requires a high level
of active, directive behavior. These skills do not come
naturally to most of us. Couples therapy is not slowly unfolding
individual therapy where you wait for the transference to
emerge. Usually the negative transference has emerged and
solidified in the couple’s dynamics. By the time they come to
therapy they are desperate for relief from pain that has gone on
way too long. You do not have the luxury of going slowly. You
need techniques that will make an immediate impact.

Couples can be especially hostile and brutal with one another.
If you, like me, come from a conflict-avoidant family, this
amount of aggression may be stressful for you. I will never
forget one pair who came to see me after the woman attempted to
run over her husband with the family car. Nothing in my training
had prepared me for that presenting problem!

Many therapists only see a few couples in the course of one
year. They do not have the accumulated experience of seeing
repetitive patterns and knowing what works and what does not
work to create positive change.

There are some belief systems in the field that undermine good
treatment. The most glaring of these is “Never see the partners
separately!”

Why You Might Join This Group

Few therapists realize they can earn an excellent living and
have a rewarding business with a specialization in couples. They
don’t take this area of their work seriously and don’t commit
themselves to truly focusing on helping couples.

As divorce figures climb, more couples than ever need help and
are seeking help succeeding with their relationships. And if you
are drawn to this specialty, you can learn the theoretical
background and practical skills to work with couples. You can
earn an excellent living and have a rewarding business with a
specialization in couples.

And you don’t have to spend years on trial and error in your
practice – or endure futile sessions with two angry clients! In
this group, you will learn how to recognize repetitive patterns.
You will know what works and what does not work to create
positive change and prevent nasty divorces which devastate
families and leave children in chaotic and painful situations.

What I Have Decided To Do About All This

I am committed to developing a group of excellent couples
therapists around the country who care and who commit themselves
to quality work.

I have decided to offer a very unique training program. Many
therapists have wanted to come but couldn’t take the time or
afford the expense of the travel. Now I am going to offer a
comprehensive training program on the phone and internet.

What Do You Do If You’re Interested in Joining the Group?

I want to discuss this program with you. Join me for a free
conference call on Thursday, May 17, at 6:00 pm (Pacific
Daylight Time). We will discuss various models for conducting
the course. This is a new offering, and I want your input in
order to create the best possible program. Also, creating the
infrastructure to make this work in the best way possible will
take time and money. Planning now will enable everything to run
smoothly by September.

To join the free conference call please email
Michelle@couplesinstitute.com. You can call her at 650-327-5915,
or toll free at 877-327-5915. She will send you the telephone
number and access code. The conference call will not be
conducted on our office line. If you want to participate, you
must let us know in advance so we can send you the numbers.

Anyone who responds to this email will have first opportunity to
participate in the group in September.

And please, if you know friends or colleagues who might like to
join the group, forward this email to them.

I hope you can join me for this exploratory conference call next
week. And I look forward to an exciting group starting in
September.

And best wishes for a glorious summer,

Ellyn

P.S. For those who don’t know me... I am a clinical
psychologist, and for more than 20 years, I have specialized in
couples therapy – helping couples transform their relationships
and training therapists to do the same. My husband, Dr. Peter
Pearson, and I are founders and directors of The Couples
Institute in Menlo Park, California. And we are the creators of
The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy.

Our book, "In Quest of the Mythical Mate: A Developmental
Approach to Diagnosis and Treatment in Couples Therapy," was
awarded the Clark Vincent Award by the California Association of
Marriage & Family Therapists for an outstanding contribution to
the field of marital therapy. It was published in 1988 and is
now in its 15th printing. Our most recent book, “Tell Me No
Lies: How to Face the Truth and Build a Loving Marriage,” helps
therapists get clients off to a powerful start by teaching them
to be honest with compassion.

Pete and I have always committed ourselves to practice what we
preach. Each of us maintains an active clinical practice
specializing in couples therapy. In an average week Pete sees
between 20 and 30 couples and I see about 15 couples. I spend
most of the rest of my time consulting to therapists on
difficult couples cases and running couples therapy
training/consult groups. I also develop the clinical program for
the well known west coast annual Couples Conference.

Perhaps more importantly, I am devoted to the field of couples
therapy and passionate about sharing state of the art expertise
with others. Visit our website and read endorsements far more
complimentary than anything I could possibly say about myself!
http://www.couplesinstitute.com/professional/testimonials.html