As you probably know, the divorce rate for American couples in a first marriage is about 50%. When you factor in the high numbers of couples who don’t divorce, but stay together in mutual misery, the track record for failed marriages is even worse.
The statistics for restaurants are even more grim.
Within two years over 50% of start-up restaurants close their doors.
A significant percent of unhappy marriages don’t end in divorce and many restaurants don’t end in bankruptcy. They just limp along, their life blood and passion slowly sucked out of them.
You might have a better chance of survival wandering blindfolded on the interstate.
I was recently talking to an expert restaurant consultant. She said a significant percentage of failed restaurants could actually thrive by changing two important things.
- Restauranteurs must change their attitude about what it takes to survive and grow.
The common belief of failed restaurants is, “We have a good chef and a good product. We built it and they will come.” That attitude leads to a deadly passivity about connecting to their customers – aka marketing.
The expert continued, “I can teach them how to reach out and grow their business. I offer manuals, modules and personal coaching. If they apply proven strategies they can avoid the pain, disappointment and embarrassment of telling their financial supporters (often family and friends), ‘Sorry, I lost my business and you lost your investment.’”
The information she offers is logical and proven.
- Restauranteurs must apply what they learn.
Curiously, consistently applying the skills is the biggest roadblock.
Restaurant owners could actually put in less time, effort and energy and enjoy their passion a lot more if they applied proven plans.
My expert continued, “Aaarrrrgggghhhh, they believe they shouldn’t have to do more than they are already doing. It’s bizarre. After advertising the grand opening they coast. They believe after the grand opening they have done their job.”
It seems a lot like couples who have a grand wedding, exchange loving vows, and then coast. Their crippling belief is, “We have a great beginning, now we can coast on our love. I no longer need to ‘market’ to my best customer, my spouse.”
The downward spiral has begun.
I don’t mean this to be a depressing blog.
However, countless couples enter our offices after years of neglect, emotional insults and disengagement, and they think communication is their biggest problem. It’s heartbreaking.
I write this blog to alert couples newly on the path of marriage there is danger ahead.
- Taking your partner for granted.
- Getting ensnared in the lure of work.
- Putting too much energy into the demands of everyday life.
- Believing you no longer need to woo your spouse.
- Scraps – giving your partner the leftover scraps of your energy and attention.
- And especially beware of the greatest marriage destroyer of all time: the attitude, “Why should I have to do anything to make things better? My partner is the one who needs to change.”
Still, I write this blog with optimism.
You can realize the dreams that brought you together.
Where can you start?
Adopt the attitude “An ounce of prevention is better and cheaper than a kilogram of therapy.”
Planning plus action will get you to the promised land.
Your first order of business – do the Daily Double.
It helps you avoid the disease of complacency. It keeps you connected. You build good communication habits.
It’s a simple marriage saver that requires just a few minutes a day. And it is FREE.
It’s my wedding gift to you! (I wanted to give you a gift card to my favorite restaurant, but it went out of business.)
About Peter Pearson
Peter Pearson, Ph.D. and his wife, Dr. Ellyn Bader, founded The Couples Institute in 1984. Both are psychologists and directors of the Institute and have helped over a thousand couples in their work.
Pete is an engaging and dynamic therapist, speaker and writer. His work includes practical skills, advanced techniques in regulating difficult emotions and entertaining vignettes from his own marriage to demonstrate how some impasses are managed.
He has been featured in over 50 radio and television programs including "The Today Show" and "CBS Early Morning News," and quoted in publications including "The New York Times," "Oprah Magazine" and "Cosmopolitan." His popular book, "Tell Me No Lies," has been of critical help to many couples.
Tags: attitude, change, communication, divorce, newlywed Forward to a Friend