Dear Couples,

Let's face it: love is messy. With its magnified highs and lows,
love is unpredictable and never what we expect - so much so that
we might be tempted to cower in fear. But if we approach love
with the courage of a warrior, we can have relationships of
heroic proportions. Here are 10 ways:

1. BE YOURSELF. If we want to be loved for who we truly are, why
put on an act?

2. DON'T BELIEVE YOUR STORIES. Our interpretation of events and
feelings is, in fact, just one possibility for what is actually
true. Focus on what IS to get closer to the truth.

3. STAY OPEN. Fear shuts us down. But when we are vulnerable,
true connection to others is possible.

4. SPEAK UP. We become silent when we desperately want to
connect.

5. STOP LOOKING FOR PERFECTION. More than likely, what we call
"high standards" is a mask for our own feelings of inadequacy.

6. EMBRACE THE MESSINESS. It gives us the gift of growth.

7. GET MAD. Learn the difference, though, between expressing
anger responsibly and dumping it.

8. LOVE WITH NO THOUGHT OF WHAT YOU'LL GET IN RETURN. This is
fearless love in action.

9. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Be accountable for your own emotions,
thoughts and actions.

10. LOVE YOURSELF. Only then can you love others and be loved.

If these pointers sound like too much to take on, choose one and
use it for a New Year's resolution. Keep your focus on it until
it becomes an automatic reaction. Practice one a month, and your
year will be full of growth.

Although these are simple to read, they are not simple to put
into practice. One way to help put these into practice is to
learn strategies to mange your emotional brain, which is at odds
with these powerful relationship enhancers.

If you are interested in learning how to manage your emotional
brain under stress, please consider attending my weekend
workshop for couples, "Coming From Your Heart." The next one is
January 27-28, 2007.

There is no risk. If you don't believe you get the tools to
communicate, make decisions and negotiate problems more
effectively, we'll refund your fee after the workshop. Have you
ever seen a stronger guarantee?

You'll get lots of time to discuss any topic you wish in privacy
with your partner. I also bring therapists to facilitate the
exercises. There will be one therapist for every two couples so
there is a lot of support for you as you practice your new
skills.

I believe so strongly in the workshop material and tools that I
want to do everything I can to get you to try it. The last five
workshops have sold out, and we've had to turn people away.
Please don't wait. Read more and register at
../../../couples/pete_workshop.html.

Wishing you warmth and togetherness during the holidays, and a
new year full of promise, Pete Pearson